Two or Three Things I Know About Movies

Top 10's Flashback: 2004

2011-08-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

10. Hotel Rwanda

An emotional powerhouse of a movie. Don Cheadle gives his career best performance in a film about overcoming and surviving reckless hate. A modern-day Schindler's List, if you will.

9. Sideways

A smart, funny comedy that seamlessly walks the line between laugh-out-loud hysterical, and thoughtful existentialism. All four leads are pitch perfect in a film bound to bring out the wine enthusiast in all of us.

8. Downfall

These days, this film has been reduced to a very funny internet meme. But behind that meme is a very dramatic, suspenseful film about the final days of Adolph Hitler. It makes no attempt to humanize or justify his actions, but rather presents a candid portrait - thanks in part to a stone cold performance from Bruno Ganz.

7. Kill Bill: Vol. 2

The epic conclusion to Quentin Tarantino's two-part genre-mash. While the first film was more of an old-school kung-fu/samurai flick, this one pays more of an homage to the Western. It takes a knowledgeable film aficionado to point out the many similarities between these films and obscure-to-the-West Asian cinema (not stereotyping - Chinese, Japanese and Korean are all there), but the presentation is flawless and the film is endlessly entertaining.

6. The Aviator

Martin Scorsese may not have been the first choice to direct this Howard Hughes biopic, but after watching the film I couldn't imagine it being done by anything else. With its grand scale and less-than-modest running time, The Aviator evokes a tradition of biographical filmmaking that was much more prevalent in the 1960's. But for the sake of the film, it works. Great work by Leonardo DiCaprio and Cate Blanchett.

5. Million Dollar Baby

Million Dollar Baby could have very easily fallen into the old underdog story cliché. At first glance, it would be easy to write this film off as Rocky with a woman... "Rockette", if you will. And it does almost begin that way, but it veers off into a very unexpected direction. Clint Eastwood's morally conflicted character adds a nice touch, as well.

4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Who says no one makes original movies anymore? Charlie Kaufman, one of modern cinema's most gifted screenwriters joined forces with Michel Gondry and Pierre Bismuth to put together a refreshingly original, quirky, funny and even thought-provoking romance. Watching memories unfold as they're being erased is pure magic.

3. Collateral

Tom Cruise gives one of his best performances in a rare villainous role. Collateral is a brisk, intelligent thriller that is shot in a way that turns the entire city of Los Angeles into a living, breathing character (metaphorically speaking, of course). It brings up interesting philosophical moral questions (and leaves them open for the viewer to decide), but it never stops entertaining.

2. The Incredibles

Disney and Pixar join forces with former "Simpsons" writer Brad Bird to bring a whole new meaning to the term, "nuclear family". The Incredibles has a unique backdrop as far as "superhero" movies are concerned, which complements an equally unique story (as could only be imagined by the good folks at Pixar). It's a successful send-up to the old-school serials, it's highly quotable, and it's seriously one of the most "fun" motion pictures you will ever watch.

1. The Passion of the Christ

Controversy aside, The Passion of the Christ was an incredibly well-made film. Oddly enough, it helps to NOT view it as a religious film, but to view it based on its own merits. It's easy to shrug it off as an allegedly anti-Semitic film (which I do not believe it is) or a "snuff film" (although I can see why that would come up). Not to offend the faith-based community either, but the entire fantasy genre strives on structure that is derived from the story of Christ (although much of it is metaphor - and not always overt like Narnia). I was impressed by the film's use of Aramaic to tell the story, the incredible cinematography, John Debney's Earth-shattering score, and some very strong performances - particularly by Maia Morgenstern, who acts as the film's emotional center.

I should also point out I'm not exactly the most religious guy in the world (there are many members - not all, but many - of the faith-based community who have me facepalming on a regular basis). I appreciate Mel Gibson's personal reasons for making the film, and also the technical perfection that was put into it. As far as "Christian" movies go, you literally cannot do better than The Passion of the Christ.

Honorable Mentions:

Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War

Closer

Shaun of the Dead

Ray

Team America: World Police

Top 10's Flashback: 2005

2011-08-10T02:05:00.000-07:00

10. Transamerica

As fun as it is enlightening, Transamerica explores a transsexual woman who finds herself having to bail out and watch over a son she didn't know she had from her previous life as a man. Felicity Huffman's performance stands out as one of the year's best - not only is she quite believable as a man on a steady diet of estrogen, but the emotional aspect of her performance is all there as well.

9. Walk the Line

At the Oscars, Jon Stewart jokingly referred to this film as Ray with white people. While he's not entirely wrong, Walk the Line boasts some wonderful writing and incredible performances. It thrived in spite of the fact that the drug-addicted-musician story was beginning to become a cliché, and managed to become an enjoyable film from start to finish.

8. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Shane Black's wit knows no bounds. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a smart, incredibly well-written movie that can take credit for helping Robert Downey Jr. get his career back. Val Kilmer gives one of his career best performances. The movie is a hilarious thrill-ride. Can't really expect anything less from the writer of Lethal Weapon.

7. Good Night, and Good Luck.

George Clooney is one of modern cinema's most gifted actors, there are few who will argue with that. However, he also is an incredibly skilled director. Good Night, and Good Luck shows just what Mr. Clooney can do with a good screenplay and a good cast. David Strathairn is flawless in the lead.

6. Crash

It was ridiculous that this film won the Oscar for Best Picture, but that doesn't take away from it the fact that it is a great movie that shines a light on a side of ourselves we like to pretend doesn't exist. Paul Haggis and Robert Moresco wrote a very impressive ensemble piece. It definitely is the type of film everyone should watch.

5. King Kong

Peter Jackson and his LOTR team got back together for his passion project, the King Kong remake. What I found remarkable about this film was not only its state-of-the-art visual effects, but the fact that it took the original 30's classic and added depth to it. Ann Darrow became more than just a screamer, and Kong became more than just a monster. We are allowed to empathize with this creature (thanks, in part, to another thankless performance by Andy Serkis).

4. Sin City

Say what you will about Robert Rodriguez, but that man is one ambitious filmmaker. Sin City is what happens when you cross a 1940's film-noir with today's ADD-style filmmaking. The result is a match made in heaven (made possible by Robert Rodriguez, Frank Miller and special guest director Quentin Tarantino). The cast is (mostly) perfect, and the visual appeal never lets up. There truly is nothing else like it (although Frank Miller tried to recreate it for The Spirit - unsuccessfully, I might add).

3. Batman Begins

Eight years after Joel Schumacher made a mockery of Tim Burton's adaptation, Christopher Nolan came back and created a comic book film anyone can take seriously. Batman Begins transcends its original medium and becomes a great Crime/Drama with a really twisted psychological aspect to it.

2. Munich

Call it my Spielberg bias, but Munich was a genuinely suspenseful film with a thought-provoking message about the negative aspects of retaliation.

1. Brokeback Mountain

One of the films that defined the decade, Brokeback Mountain isn't the first movie to explore a love between two men, but it certainly did remove all the stereotypes and preconceived notions about homosexuality and showed the world that they are, in fact, human. It's about a love that's stronger than the social taboos that would try to prevent it from happening. A beautifully-shot, well-acted drama through and through. It's more than just a "gay" movie. It is one of cinema's greatest love stories.

Honorable Mentions:

War of the Worlds
Cinderella Man
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Match Point
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

Top 10's Flashback: 2006

2011-08-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

10. Babel

A very effective, emotional, incredibly well-shot ensemble piece about understanding beyond language barriers. The stories span three different parts of the globe, yet they all fit together like pieces to a puzzle. The acting is incredible from start to finish, particularly from Adriana Barraza and Rinko Kikuchi.

9. A Prairie Home Companion

Robert Altman's final film, as well as a very appropriate send-off for the veteran director. A Prairie Home Companion very much maintains Altman's unique directorial style in a wonderful, Nashville-esque ensemble piece. Don't be scared off by the fact that Lindsay Lohan is in this movie. This is the last good thing she was ever in (unless you count her involvement with Machete). She also joined by a spectacular cast, including Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin, Woody Harrelson, John C. Reilly, Kevin Kline, Tommy Lee Jones, and so on and so forth. It is a smart, funny film that was designed to make you feel right at home whenever you watch it.

8. Little Miss Sunshine

Another quirky "indie" comedy? You bet. Little Miss Sunshine does indulge in the fact that it feels like an indie flick (in spite of having an all-star cast), but it does have an extremely well-written screenplay, and is also one of the year's funniest, most heartwarming films.

7. The Proposition

An under-appreciated masterpiece of Australian cinema, The Proposition has the distinction of being an "Outback Western". No detail was spared in making the film look as authentic as possible - from the constant presence of flies regardless of where the characters are to the fact that none of them look like they've ever seen a toothbrush in their lives (which would be accurate, considering the time in which the movie takes place), The Proposition thrives in its authenticity and the fact that it's just an all-around great film.

6. Dreamgirls

Easily the best non-animated thing Eddie Murphy has done in the last decade. Dreamgirls might not be an intellectual flick, but it certainly is a beautiful, entertaining film with some surprisingly breathtaking performances - namely from Eddie Murphy and newcomer Jennifer Hudson. It's simply a marvel to look at - cinematography, sets and everything. Great songs, too.

5. The Queen

Peter Morgan brings himself to the forefront as one of cinema's best screenwriters, and Helen Mirren gives one of the most iconic performances ever captured on camera.

4. United 93

I'm aware this is the third list in which United 93 was featured. That just goes to show how great of a movie it is. Paul Greengrass had to walk a thin line when making this film, as it was released only five years after 9/11. But he very effectively captured the seriousness of the situation without upstaging it or over-dramatizing it. Simply incredible.

3. Letters from Iwo Jima

The second part to Clint Eastwood's Iwo Jima saga, and easily the better of the two. Letters from Iwo Jima explores the Historical battle from the perspective of "the enemy". Especially when it's put together with its predecessor Flags of Our Fathers, it tells a wonderful story about the pain and horrors of war. Although unlike Flags of Our Fathers, Letters from Iwo Jima holds its own ground as a great film - as opposed to just a good one.

2. The Departed

One of the few Hollywood remakes that's so good no one seems to know (or even really care) that it's a remake. Martin Scorsese proved yet again why he's one of the greatest directors in Hollywood with an extremely well-written screenplay by William Monahan.

1. Children of Men

It's dark and depressing, but there is a constant aura of hope that holds the movie together and keeps us watching. Emmanuel Lubezki's cinematography is phenomenal - seriously, this film has some of the best camera work I've ever seen. Clive Owen is amazing as always, as is the rest of the cast. From start to finish, Children of Men is just a great film.

Honorable Mentions:

The Prestige
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Pan's Labyrinth
Happy Feet
Cars

The Curse of the Genre Mash-up: In Defense of Cowboys & Aliens...

2011-07-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

It's okay, Daniel. I hate analog watches too.

From Rotten Tomatoes' tomatometer consensus:

"Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford are as dependably appealing as ever, but they're let down by director Jon Favreau's inability to smooth Cowboys & Aliens' jarring tonal shifts."

After watching the film for myself, I have a pretty good retort:

WHAT "jarring tonal shifts"?

When I read that, I began to fear for the film. I mean, Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci (the guys behind Star Trek) co-writing with Lost's Damon Lindelof and co-writers of the amazingly brilliant Children of Men, Mark Fergus and Hawk Otsby... could they have possibly half-assed the screenplay? Did they really awkwardly slap two genres together for a quick buck? Say it ain't so! It can't be! And would producer Ron Howard and executive producer Steven Spielberg allow such a sloppy screenplay to be filmed?

I like to pretend these never happened.

And what of director Jon Favreau? The brilliant, brilliant man who brought Iron Man to life and made Buddy the Elf a permanent resident of our hearts? He... FAILED to smooth out the screenplay's "jarring tonal shifts"? It can't be. Not THAT Jon Favreau. Surely, you're speaking of a different man.

Hey, it may be Jumanji in space... But who said that wouldn't be awesome?

Then I watched the movie. Possibly... a different movie than what the Tomatometer critics saw? See, here's the problem. When you have a movie called Cowboys and Aliens, that sets up two different kinds of expectations. See, I went in expecting a Western with aliens.

Excuse me, I failed to set up my point properly. Here's where I'm coming from.

Whenever you have a genre mash-up... it's never really two genres. It is always one genre. The other "genre" isn't so much the movie's genre as it is another twist on the movie's REAL genre. For instance, Shaun of the Dead. It's technically referred to as a Horror-Comedy. But let's get real here. Shaun of the Dead isn't really a Horror film. It's a Comedy with zombies. No one is going to watch Shaun of the Dead because they think it'll scare them. They'll watch it because it's utterly hilarious.

"I loved that movie, Young Frankenstein... Scared the Hell out of me!"

Now when you have a mash-up of any two particular genres, the trick is to find out which one is the film's actual genre, and which one is the gimmick. With Shaun of the Dead, Comedy is the genre and Horror is the gimmick. With Scream on the other hand, it's the other way around. And both work extremely well.

Cowboys & Aliens isn't the first time the Sci-fi and Western were mashed up. We already have Star Wars, Serenity and in some cases Star Trek. However, with those three films it's clear that Sci-fi is the main genre. If you view Cowboys & Aliens this way, however, you're in for a major letdown. Because Sci-fi is only the gimmick. Cowboys & Aliens, at its core, is a Western.

The Sci-fi twist on the Western is not done quite as often as the Western twist on the Sci-fi. The only other movie I can think of that attempted it... didn't fare so well.

His name is Jim West. Get it? There's more where that came from.

If you're watching Cowboys & Aliens as a Sci-fi, of course you'll see some jarring tonal shifts. I'd be annoyed too if my Sci-fi kept getting interrupted by long stretches of Western. Get your John Wayne out of my Pandora! I wanna see blue people fuck shit up!

Cowboys & Aliens works beautifully as a Western. Sprawling landscapes (not CGI'd in, like The Warrior's Way), a man with no name, cowboys, indians, the whole shebang. And aliens. A couple of the critics who "get it" compared it with The Searchers (by saying it's that meets Independence Day - which isn't far off, mind you). It's about people trying to find the ones they love. Instead of indians, however, it's aliens who have taken them.

Is it preposterous? Of course it is! But you don't go to a movie called Cowboys & Aliens looking for realism, do you? The minute any writer embarks on that path, anything goes. The question is, how far can its audience suspend disbelief? I did just fine.

I have further proof that this was a much better film than the Tomatometer would have you believe.

Um... okay?

"Big deal", you might say. "Lots of movies have kids in them. And some of them are great actors. Look at that girl from True Grit." I know. I know. I don't doubt that. This kid drew applause at one point from the audience. Applause. Keep that in mind, because your jaw is about to drop. Look at this kid again. Closer. Doesn't he look a tad bit familiar? Just a tad.

You ready?

AHHHHH! KILL IT!

That's right. A year ago, the same audience wanted to strangle this kid with a kendo stick. Tonight, they applauded him. To me, a director who can pull that off didn't fail at jack shit. On the other hand, it shows the difference between a good director who obviously cares about making a good movie - Jon Favreau - and a formerly good director who seemed to stop caring altogether.

Whatevs. I'm rich, beeotch!

Maybe it was a collective decision by most critics. Maybe they felt they've been too lenient on movies, and can't very well like everything that comes out. Aesthetically, Cowboys & Aliens was actually better than many recent films that got passing grades. Unfortunately, it just came along at the wrong time. Some people weren't in the right mood. Or in the right mindset. In any case, it's an awesome film from start to finish. Not a great Sci-fi by any means, but a wicked cool Western. Go see it!

5 Simple Steps to Being a Good Film Critic

2011-07-28T19:25:00.000-07:00

Ever since Rotten Tomatoes added a feature where you can comment on a critic's review, critics were subjected to three types of comments:

1. The fanboys attempting to invalidate said critic's opinion by shining a light on a less popular opinion. On some occasions, they'll actually post a glaring blemish on that critic's record, like a negative review on The Godfather or a positive review on Vampires Suck. But for the most part, they'll cite middle-of-the-road movies that you can actually see why someone would actually like or dislike. Example: "He gave Priest a positive review and Horrible Bosses a negative review so his opinion means nothing".

2. The defenders who call out fanboys for attacking the critic's opinion. While in many instances they're in the right, their posts come across as Holier-than-thou and often times they'll come off as more pretentious than the critic they're defending. It gets problematic when they'll defend a particularly poorly-written review (they're out there). It's not uncommon for them to accuse fanboys of being "studio plants".

3. Douchebags. Take #1, turn the volume way up (as displayed by their tendency to write in all caps) and the intelligence way down (as displayed by their inability to utilize correct grammar). These posts only exist to insult the critic in the most juvenile way possible.

All three cases of this are actually quite sad, because for the most part NONE of the commenters have yet seen the movie they're attacking and defending. All we have are the critics' words to go by. But there are so many, and Rotten Tomatoes slaps 'em all together in a big ol' concensus, and if that consensus goes below 60, the film is automatically considered "bad".

But who's reviewing these movies? What are they basing their reviews on? Most of all, is anyone really listening? Take, for instance, the Transformers trilogy. Blasted by critics from start to finish. But everyone still showed up to those movies. Everyone shelled out the cash, defying the critics' warnings. Did anyone die? Nope. Did society crumble and fall? Nope. Everything was fine. There wasn't too much of an audience backlash with those movies. They were generally well-regarded by non-critics. People obviously kept coming back for more, in spite of the tomatometer telling them there wasn't much to see.

Upon reading reviews for Cowboys & Aliens (which at the time are more-negative-than-positive), I began to wonder if critics are viewing these movies with the correct mindset. I know that when you spend your time watching movies, particularly if you've gone to film school or have seen all the avant-garde classics and Godardian masterpieces... that sort of thing can change the way you watch movies. But where do you draw the line? At what point can you tell whether the movie is bad or the critic is being a pretentious twat?

There are some who know what they're doing. I don't always agree with Roger Ebert, Richard Roeper and Peter Travers, but they are good writers. They know what they're talking about, and they all have valid reasons for forming their opinions. Check out their reviews. They're actually good reads. Even if you don't agree, you see what they're saying. It's clear, it's concise, and you can make a pretty good judgment on whether or not you want to see a movie from reading their reviews. That's the kind of critic everyone else should strive to be like.

The sad thing is many of these critics aren't quite aware of why their reviews seem so out-of-touch. Some will go on the defensive, as if their opinions are scripture. So I set up a list of rules that I go by. People tend to trust my opinion.

1. Don't judge all movies on the same criteria. I watched a video last year where one film critic recommended that all aspiring film critics do this. I'm sorry, that critic is an idiot. It's impossible, and simply unreasonable to put a movie like Captain America up to the same standards as Schindler's List. All movies are different. Even within their genre, they're different. Die Hard and The Lord of the Rings are both action movies, but they're so different that judging them on the same criteria is simply asinine. Each movie should get its own criteria based on your expectations of the movie. Going on that point...

2. Know what to expect. I find it mind-boggling that critics have not become accustomed to Michael Bay's style of directing yet. They know who he is and what he does, yet still get appalled when they see him do more of it. Few of them acknowledge that he does it well, only that he does it. And that bothers them. Trailers often set up expectations for a movie. Don't ignore that! If the movie fails to live up to those expectations, that's a weakness of the film and you can go on that. But if you expected it to be "just good", and you got a movie that was "just good", then the movie should still be considered "just good". This issue came up with Pixar's most recent film, Cars 2. The trailers promised a movie that was "just good", yet critics let the Pixar brand build it up to something bigger than it was, and that hurt its score. Don't second-guess your expectations.

3. It's one thing to form an expectation of a movie before you see it. It's quite another to form an opinion on it. If that's the way you're gonna be, don't even watch it. Although there are those of you who kind of... you know... have to. Because it's your job and stuff. In which case, I suppose it would be difficult to avoid this scenario. If there is a genre you do not like, you should absolve yourself from becoming a professional film critic. Do something else. Try to make movies instead. Nothing is more annoying than a critic who hates Science Fiction and gives a negative review to a sci-fi film. If you've already decided that it sucks, that's it. Your opinion is formed, and there will be nothing in the movie to change your mind.

4. Your opinions are not objective. Get over it. Opinions are the most subjective thing in the world, and no one has a more valid opinion than anyone else. You can shoot me every reason you can find as to why TRON: Legacy was a bad film, and I'll shrug it off tell you how many of those points I disagree with, allege that you did NOT see the same movie I did, and I'll get over it. I'm not wrong. Likewise, neither are you. But don't act all snobbish around me because I liked the mindless action film and you didn't. These are just the types of movie I'm into.

5. If your name is Armond White, please select a profession that does not involve movies.

That's about it. Happy critiquing!

Top 10's Flashback: 2007

2011-07-26T21:50:00.000-07:00

10. Once

A quasi-Musical drama about songwriting. Made on a very low budget, this little movie is filled with a certain magic that is missing from many higher-budget films. "Falling Slowly" has to be one of the most beautiful songs ever written for a movie. Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová perform their songs with passion. It really is beautiful.

9. Enchanted

Marks the beginning of Disney's comeback. Enchanted was a clever throw-back to the old-school Disney classics, a deconstruction of the old-school Disney classics, and an old-school Disney classic itself. Amy Adams is perfect as Giselle, the studio's first live-action "princess". The music is as bright and charming as ever, and the screenplay is smart and funny.

8. Juno

Considering the subject matter, it could have easily been another TV-movie about pregnancy. Thanks to Diablo Cody's astounding screenplay and quirky characters, Juno ended up being so much better than that. It's hilarious! Yes, I'm aware nobody talks like that. But Ellen Page is so endearing, I didn't really care.

7. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Stephen Sondheim is a Musical Theatre legend, there's no doubt about that. But it does feel like Sweeney Todd had been created so that Tim Burton could eventually adapt it into a movie. A few vocal surprises came up, but none as surprising as Johnny Depp. Helena Bonham Carter's voice was throaty, but that was appropriate for her character. The film basks in set pieces that could only be dreamt up in a Tim Burton film. It's dark, it's bleak, and it's sinister... but it never loses its sense of fun.

6. No Country for Old Men

A deliberately-paced thought-provoking film that only the Coen Brothers could pull off. A reflection on good, evil and the in-between. Life and death. Javier Bardem is cold and frightening in this film.

5. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

A very interesting take on the Western. While most Westerns embrace a vast, open environment, we watch the environment in this film get smaller and smaller. It humanizes the infamous outlaw, but never drops his intimidating demeanor. Casey Affleck gives his career best performance as Robert Ford. The cinematography is absolutely beautiful, as well.

4. Into the Wild

Whether you consider Christopher McCandless a philosopher or a raving lunatic, Sean Penn approached this project in a way where it won't even matter. It's a celebration of nature and of a man who was brave enough to try to live in it. It briefly touches upon what drove him to such a wild task, and it allows you to experience his genius as well as his madness. Whatever the case, Into the Wild is a profoundly human drama.

3. Hairspray

Bright, colorful, unapologetically silly but all together... In 2007, there was no movie that was more fun to watch than Hairspray. That's right, I said it. The Musical numbers were great, the singing was flawless, the choreography was a thing to behold and the actors were all in top form. It's the kind of movie that will have you smiling from start to finish.

2. Ratatouille

Who says you can't make something original anymore? To be fair, it takes a uniquely interesting person to come up with a story like this. A rat that wants to be a chef? Who thinks up a story like that? The good people at Pixar, that's who. Ratatouille is a remarkably mature family film. Kids may not appreciate its originality quite as much as adults will, but it truly is a perfect film.

1. There Will Be Blood

Its deliberate pacing and Jonny Greenwood's unsettling score set a very menacing tone which keeps the audience on its toes. This is accentuated by Robert Elswit's static cinematography, and Daniel Day-Lewis' iconic performance. His character has a very clear descent into madness, which hits the audience like a ton of bricks in one of the most well-acted monologues in the history of film.

Honorable Mentions:

Hot Fuzz

Knocked Up

American Gangster

Gone Baby Gone

3:10 to Yuma

Top 10's Flashback: 2008.

2011-07-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

10. Changeling

Angelina Jolie gives one of the best performances of her career as a grieving mother searching for her lost son. Changeling is a very tragic, unsettling tale of deception and corruption, and a woman who would stop at nothing to find the truth.

9. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

A very strange film indeed, but The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a visually impressive story with great acting and incredible cinematography. We're never actually told why Benjamin ages backwards, but it does present an interesting way of telling the story as well as a rather unique look at the world.

8. Revolutionary Road

Back together for the first time since Titanic, Kate and Leo explore a different kind of relationship. We begin to watch as this couple begins to unravel due to the pressures of society and parenthood. Revolutionary Road has some of the year's best performances, and brings director Sam Mendes back to a level of angst not seen since American Beauty.

7. Frost/Nixon

Ron Howard pulled out the big guns when he made this film. It wasn't the uplifting underdog he's used to telling... well... it IS an underdog story, but it certainly isn't the same kind of movie as Cinderella Man or A Beautiful Mind. This time, Ron Howard went Oliver Stone on this movie. Frost/Nixon is an unforgettable battle of wits, and Frank Langella has a commanding presence throughout.

6. In Bruges

A sharp, funny, incredibly well-written dark comedy. In Bruges was a bit of a turning point in Colin Farrell's career, as it brought the respectable actor out of him. It's difficult not to laugh it the absurdity of the dialogue, but the darker, more sinister story is always looming underneath, and it comes out full force by the end of the movie.

5. Slumdog Millionaire

Whereas Ron Howard opted not to make the "Hollywood" underdog story, Danny Boyle went ahead and made the "Bollywood" underdog story. Slumdog Millionaire is very clever, using the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire as its backdrop. Newcomer Dev Patel is endearing in the leading role, and A.R. Rahman's score is unforgettable.

4. The Wrestler

Mickey Rourke delivers one of cinema's most iconic performances in recent years. The Wrestler is a very interesting character piece, which not only examines its subject's life as a pro wrestler, but how it has affected his personal life and his family.

3. Milk

Sean Penn once again proves why he is one of cinema's most gifted actors, stepping into the shoes of Harvey Milk. Milk came at a very politically poignant time. California had just passed the discriminatory Prop 8, and Milk was a very inspiring movie, bringing hope to all who are different from societal "norms". As uplifting as it was tragic, Milk is more than a biopic about some gay politician - it's an inspiring story of overcoming adversity and helping build a better future. "You gotta give 'em hope..."

2. WALL-E

It's definitely saying something when your protagonist doesn't really have any dialogue, but your audience is still able to feel and emote for him. Such is the magic of WALL-E, one of the most lovable characters in movie history. WALL-E is like a dream to watch. You're introduced to this bleak future where Earth has been totally abandoned, but this little trash compacting robot wins you over right from the start. It seriously has to be one of the greatest screenplays ever written, and in my opinion it is Pixar's ultimate triumph.

1. The Dark Knight

With his Batman movies, Christopher Nolan opted against creating another comic book. The year already had Iron Man, so he had to make something different. And he did. Christopher Nolan turned the Batman mythology into some kind of neo-noir experience. He brought Gotham into the realm of the real. And that was just with the FIRST film. The second film took that same idea and brought it to a whole new level. Heath Ledger's Joker was as frightening as he was entertaining to watch. The scale of this movie was just so big and epic, but also very dark. It truly is The Godfather of comic book movies. And it's more than a comic book movie. It's just simply... a great film.

Honorable Mentions:

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Gran Torino

The Fall

Doubt

Iron Man

Top 10's Flashback: 2009

2011-07-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

Just watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. That will likely make my top 10 list for 2011. But for now, 2009.

2009

10. An Education

It's very charming. Everything about this movie is charming, up to and especially Carrie Mulligan - whose performance is this film reminded me of Audrey Hepburn.

9. Nine

The musical interpretation of Fellini's 8 1/2 was met with middling reviews, but to me it was a feast for the eyes and ears. I couldn't help but enjoy every minute of the movie, getting into every song and marveling at the surprisingly wonderful performances. I'm still awestruck by the fact that Kate Hudson can sing.

8. Precious

IMDb has recently dropped "Based on the Novel Push By Sapphire" from the official title. While the title itself was unintentionally comical (it was changed from Push to avoid confusion with an inferior film based on a graphic novel by the same name), the film was no laughing matter. Precious is a very hard-hitting, depressing film. A search for a light at the end of the tunnel would be in vain - this film is a tragedy through and through. But it's a story that needed to be told, and it was told exceptionally well.

7. Up in the Air

George Clooney's best acting work in years. Up in the Air is a very effective dramedy that follows a corporate ax-man and examines his inability to make a connection. He's brought down to earth by his young apprentice, who is a romantic at heart. It's not the sappy romantic comedy that premise makes it appear to be, though. It is set in a very real, very serious climate - and we are subjected to the effects this sort of thing seems to have on people. Up in the Air can also boast one of the year's best screenplays.

6. (500) Days of Summer

Hilarious, quirky and fun. (500) Days of Summer was the "that movie" of 2009. And by "that movie", I mean the movie that's charming, funny, and beloved by most people who see it, usually wins an Oscar for its screenplay and gets a nomination for Best Picture (but doesn't win), but manages to be memorable all the same. Sadly, this film was snubbed by the Academy, but in my opinion it certainly is memorable enough to join the ranks of Little Miss Sunshine, Juno and Sideways. It is just a remarkable film that I'm sure many people will be able to relate with.

5. Star Trek

This reboot does not require its audience to be a fan of Star Trek, which I think is this film's greatest strength. J.J. Abrams took the series back to the beginning and created an alternate timeline, opening the way for new adventures in the final frontier. Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto did an amazing job at taking two of film and television's most iconic characters and making them their own. It was a visual treat (in spite of all the lens flares) and a genuinely thrilling action film that enables this enduring franchise to live long and prosper.

4. Avatar

The comedown from the initial excitement this film brought on was quite swift. Avatar was built up in such a way that if it was done right, it WOULD have been the year's best film. Unfortunately, James Cameron told a story that was all too familiar. It would seem his originality was used up on creating the world of Pandora, the creatures within, and its breathtaking landscapes. James Cameron wanted it to be his very own Star Wars. It fell short of that ambition, but for what it was, Avatar succeeded at being a visually memorable, groundbreaking piece of filmmaking. Whether it changed cinema for the better remains to be seen (although Hollywood's love affair with 3D is disheartening to say the least), but few can deny that it changed things.

3. Inglourious Basterds

How do we deal with a filmmaker who's so full of himself he thinks he can rewrite History? We award him with Oscar nominations, apparently. Especially if his version of Historical events is all kinds of awesome. Say what you will about Quentin Tarantino, but the man knows how to tell a story. He knows how to make interesting characters. He's watched enough movies to know how to make it work. Inglourious Basterds offers a sadistically satisfying take on the Allies' involvement in World War II. It is darkly funny and endlessly entertaining. It also brought to the forefront the amazing Christoph Waltz, who delivered an astounding villainous performance.

2. Up

Quick, name a cartoon that made you cry in the first fifteen minutes. Was it Up? It was Up, wasn't it? Pixar took a chance and it paid off, as it usually does. Up worked because it was rich in character and heart - which seems to be Pixar's winning formula. The intro to the film is fuzzy and heartwarming until the end of the sequence which should send its audience into tears. It picks back up in a funny, whimsical adventure reminiscent of old-school films like Around the World in Eighty Days. After Up, I've learned never to doubt Pixar again. And no, Cars 2 did NOT change my mind on that, because Cars 2 was awesome.

1. The Hurt Locker

Yeah, I was there for the backlash. When The Hurt Locker took home the Oscar, a bunch of Avatar fans were angry. What the Hell was The Hurt Locker? How did this movie that nobody saw beat the movie everybody saw? I partially blame the distributors for The Hurt Locker's poor Box Office returns. Did I say partially? I meant fully. They had no faith in this film whatsoever. It was released in the middle of the summer to art-house theaters only. It did well considering its limited release, but it never got the full release it deserved. The Hurt Locker was an incredible film about the addiction to war. Jeremy Renner was fantastic, and Kathryn Bigelow did a commendable job at keeping the tension and suspense at a high level. The Iraq War has been a bit of a bad subject for both Box Office and critical reception in the past, but The Hurt Locker broke at least one of those barriers. It was a perfect film to me, and totally deserved the Oscar.

Honorable Mentions:

District 9

The Hangover

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The Lovely Bones

Invictus

In Defense of Cars 2...

2011-07-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is essentially a Larry the Cable Guy vehicle. Pun only partially intended.

I never thought I'd see the day a Michael Bay gets a higher Tomatometer rating than Pixar. That could mean one of three things.

1. Michael Bay finally made a movie critics are willing to admit they like.
2. Pixar made a bad movie.
3. This whole situation is a big huge Tomatometer FAIL.

Sadly, this falls under category #3. Cars 2 was NOT a bad movie at all. It was merely a good one. Unfortunately, critics spent most of their reviews reflecting on how great the movie WASN’T, as opposed to how good it WAS. I think part of the problem is Pixar spoiled us. They did. When they can make a movie about toys that brings its audience to tears, I mean… that shit’s just showing off. But they followed that up with a fun, silly, Pink Panther-esque spy comedy that does NOT provoke thought or tug at the heartstrings. Cars 2 was unfairly judged.

It's kind of like comparing anything else Orson Welles has done to Citizen Kane.

Consider Kung Fu Panda 2. That film was very good. But it’s not a better movie than Cars 2. It was just a way freakin’ better movie than Shrek Forever After. That’s the difference between Pixar and DreamWorks. We’ll accept the DreamWorks cash grab, because they’ve been doing it for years. When your last movie was Shrek Forever After, it’s not gonna take much to have a film that’s a breath of fresh air from that. But when your last FOUR movies have been Ratatouille, WALL-E, Up and Toy Story 3… that same quality, unfortunately, is gonna look meager by comparison. Cars 2 is the B+ from a studio that generally only churns out A+ movies. When we are dealing with Pixar, apparently, such imperfection cannot be tolerated.

Pictured left to right: Pixar, film critics.

As a Pixar movie, of course Cars 2 is sub par. Heck, the FIRST Cars was sub-par. But both films are actually very good, and what these critics failed to realize is that low-grade Pixar is still better than most things that are out there. So instead of judging its failure at being the Oscar-nominated triumphs that preceded it, why not champion it for the lovable, clever, funny and heartwarming movie that it is?

I didn’t mean to put down on Michael Bay. That’s a different article for a different time. Dark of the Moon was a very fun, exciting motion picture (which, of course, critics will NEVER admit that they like). But it’s not better than Cars 2. And I’m sure all the critics who insisted on marking their review “rotten” in spite of their own admission that Cars 2 was good are feeling very silly right now.

"I beat Pixar, bitch. What up?"

Top 10's Flashback: 2010

2011-07-06T00:03:00.000-07:00

Every week, I'm gonna go back a year and pick what I feel are the 10 best movies of said year. Why? Because I think it would be fun to do so. Don't judge me.

2010

10. Winter's Bone

A modern noir film. Its quiet, deliberate pace only helps build tension in this mysterious film. Jennifer Lawrence broke through in a very subtle performance as a backwoods Humphrey Bogart. It is a very modest film that is spoken for by its incredible performances, a different setting and a great story.

9. Animal Kingdom

Australian cinema is not to be trifled with. Animal Kingdom is being hailed as the Australian Godfather. The tension never lets up as we watch this crime family unravel from within. Jacki Weaver plays an incredibly wicked old woman in a performance that's scary only because of how natural it comes out.

8. The Kids Are All Right

A funny, smart, thought-provoking film that challenges "traditional" notions of family by showing a different kind of family and how they handle their problems. Annette Bening and Julianne Moore are both in top form.

7. The Social Network

Aaron Sorkin scored major points for writing a movie about Facebook and having it be as great as it was. The Social Network is a triumph of modern filmmaking which gives a younger generation the credit it's due. Great performances are pulled from the least likely of people - Jesse Eisenberg, for instance. It also holds the distinction of being one of the smartest, snappiest screenplays ever written.

6. Black Swan

Natalie Portman has come a long way as an actress, and Black Swan is her own personal masterpiece. A very twisted film experience, Black Swan examines the life of a ballet dancer whose sanity is succumbing to the pressure of pulling off that perfect performance... from her perspective. The film is designed to make its audience feel uncomfortable, and it works. Very dark, gritty and flawless.

5. True Grit

The Coen Brothers wanted to make it clear that True Grit was not a remake, but a more faithful adaptation to the book. The story is told from the perspective of scene-stealing Hailee Steinfeld, whose natural talent was able to hold its own playing up against giants like Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon - who were also incredible. True Grit is an old school Western done Coen style, and it's a very fun film to watch.

4. Toy Story 3

Pixar continues its tradition of making only good (and mostly great) movies (and I stand by my judgment that Cars 2 is a GOOD movie) with its third installment of the Toy Story series. Made ten years after its predecessor, they managed to get the audience to empathize with toys... to the point where tears may end up being shed at some point. It's successful in making one very nostalgic for their childhood, and examining the effects of growing up - from the perspective of the toys. At the same time, it's a very cool prison break film.

3. Inception

Who said Blockbusters can't also provoke thought? Christopher Nolan challenged that notion with Inception, which may very well be the biggest-budget, highest grossing art film ever made. It proves that filmmakers do not have to dumb down their movies and audiences are capable of connecting the dots and putting two and two together. Inception plays out like an elaborate puzzle, and the story is layered. On top of that, the characters are easy to root for and Marion Cotillard is a very effective femme fatale.

2. The King's Speech

No gimmicks. No nonsense. Just a simple, straightforward story told remarkably well. Colin Firth's performance can best be described as a tour-de-force. The King's Speech is the kind of movie you can't help but feel good watching - and I haven't seen one do quite as good a job of that since Forrest Gump.

1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

I can't hide it. I really, really freakin' loved this movie. It is one of the funniest, most clever pieces of pure, unfiltered entertainment. Edgar Wright created a masterpiece for the ADD generation. Scott Pilgrim puts a new spin on the romantic comedy, by essentially turning it into a high-sensation video game. But unlike most "video game" movies, it doesn't feel like you're just watching someone else play. You are completely immersed in this high-energy, super kinetic world that will give you a serious nerdgasm. I loved every freakin' minute of this movie.

Honorable Mentions:

The Fighter
Blue Valentine
How to Train Your Dragon
127 Hours
Tangled

America, F&^# Yeah! Movies for the Patriotic American

2011-07-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day! In honor of the day, I have put together a list of what I believe are some of the best "Patriotic" movies of all time. Enjoy!

10. Air Force One

HOPE

Say what you will, but you WISH we had a President like Harrison Ford. While George W. Bush was out there sending troops to take out Saddam Hussein, Harrison Ford was all like... "Get off my plane!" And that dude took out the terrorists himself. Because you just don't fuck with President Ford.

9. Independence Day

Fourth of July fireworks show gone awry.

Unless the title is ironic, you can bet that a movie called "Independence Day" is gonna be pretty fuckin' Patriotic. Maybe it's not about the Historical Independence Day, but damn if it didn't instill a sense of National Pride, particularly with President Pullman's title-dropping inspirational speech. I mean, sure, the aliens blow up more than half the country, but we sure as Hell persevered.

8. The Patriot

Pictured: Something vaguely racist or anti-Semitic.

Unlike Independence Day, The Patriot actually does have something to do with the Revolutionary War. It may not be historically accurate, but it's difficult not to root for Mel Gibson when he fights for both vengeance and his country at the same time. I also have to say Jason Isaacs plays one of the most incredible villains of all time. You seriously want Mel Gibson to rip that bastard's throat out.

7. Team America: World Police

Let's see Gepetto try to pull THIS off...

Yes, Team America is a satire on both bandwagon patriotism and misinformed protesting. Trey Parker and Matt Stone set of to offend both sides of the political spectrum equally, and they succeeded beautifully. In spite of how it pokes fun at how Patriotic we (and some of our movies) are, it does leave you feeling proud to be an American - particularly with its ridiculous theme song.

6. Inglourious Basterds

This wasn't in our History books...

Historical accuracy? Fuck that. I'm Quentin Tarantino! Inglourious Basterds invents an alternate History where Nazi-hunting military misfits and a movie theater projectionist are responsible for ending World War II. You can't look at a movie about "Killin' Nazis" and not think of it as American as can be.

5. Patton

Pictured: AMERICA, bitch!

...Just watch the video.

4. Forrest Gump

Mamma always said, life is like a box of catch phrases...

A uniquely American experience if I ever saw one. Modern U.S. History is retold from the eyes of a developmentally challenged man who apparently lived through it all. Tom Hanks' performance in this film is timeless. You may or may not agree with it taking home the Oscar for Best Picture, but it is an enduring, unforgettable film that warms your heart from start to finish.

3. United 93

No caption... I'm not that freakin' insensitive.

I consider it one of the best movies of the last decade. Director Paul Greengrass approached this sensitive subject matter the right way. His cast was largely unknown, which worked in the film's favor because no one upstages the seriousness of the events. While it is a movie that takes place on one of the darkest moments in History, it is also a display of a group of average Americans who stood up and took a chance to save more lives from being lost. It is a story of courage in the face of darkness.

2. Anything by Michael Bay

Enjoy it while it lasts, Cuba. After this, it's Daddy Day Camp.

Michael Bay is allegedly America's most despised director. Which is funny, because he's also one of America's most successful directors. He's that one director no one wants to admit they like, yet they'll shell out the cash to watch every single one of his movies. I wrote in my previous article how his movies do a whole lot of pandering, well... Throw on a Michael Bay movie. Every single one of them has a military-inspired original score, lots of political-military jargon... and let's face it, they're all pretty much wrapped in the American flag. His movies drip with Patriotism, it's almost unreal. But it works. Go ahead. Give it a shot. Armageddon. Pearl Harbor. The Rock. Hell, even the Transformers trilogy. All-American filmmaking. With lots of explosions.

1. Saving Private Ryan

"Damn it, why do I keep getting shot in the buttocks?"

There is nothing I can say about this movie that will even begin to do it justice. It is an ode to courage under fire. A story about "no man left behind", bringing a mother's only son back home from battle. You get to know these soldiers, who they were, who they are, and what they're fighting for. The D-Day invasion at the beginning alone was enough to win us over. And it just keeps going.

10 Movies You Don't Want to Admit You Love - Part 5

2011-06-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

2. Star Wars: The Prequels

Pictured: Rape?

Oh, George Lucas... Could you have not let things be? Weren't the first three movies enough? The original trilogy is made up of three undeniable classics that defined a generation and redefined movies forever. The epic following surrounding Star Wars is surpassed only by Jesus [citation needed]. It redefined nerds. It redefined culture. Yes, culture. It is literally a real part of not only cinematic, but American History. There is not a single movie or series of movies out there that can claim to have had as much of an impact on American culture as Star Wars.

So why make three more? Is it money? Because I think prior to the prequels George Lucas was pretty much set for life. Thanks to THX, Skywalker Sound and Industrial Light & Magic, I firmly believe George Lucas receives a paycheck for pretty much every movie that is released. And let's not forget all the licensing and rights to broadcast Star Wars, merchandise... did George Lucas really need more money?

Why We Pretend to Hate It:

Rape. That's the word purists are using for it. It began when Lucas re-released the original trilogy in theaters back in 1997. Thanks some technological advances, he was able to recreate scenes with extra CG X-Wings, a never-before-seen Jabba the Hutt scene, singing CG creatures that are more annoying than the muppets they replaced and a single added gunshot more infamous than the one at Lexington and Concord.

Pictured: Rape?

So in 1999, when he released The Phantom Menace, purists everywhere cried foul for a couple reasons.

Pictured: Rape?

No use beating around the bush. The number one reason the Star Wars prequels have attained such a high degree of infamy is a single character: Jar Jar Fucking Binks. This unintentionally racist, loud, obnoxious character is present in nearly every scene of The Phantom Menace. It is unclear what, precisely, George Lucas was thinking when he created this monstrosity - whether it was to appeal to the "younglings" (more on that later) or just sell more toys, but seriously... what... the fuck.

Reason #2...

The Guinness World Record holder for youngest person to ever deserve a dropkick to the face

It's kind of mean to be very critical on an actor as young as Jake Lloyd was in '99. But there are a couple problems with this casting. For one thing, he's playing one of cinema's most iconic characters. This is the kid who's gonna grow up to be Darth Fucking Vader. And who is it? A cutesy sitcom character who uses phrases like "this is tense", and other modern lingo that does not belong anywhere near the Star Wars universe. More on the dialogue later. But little Anakin has a love interest. Someone this young, you'd expect to have someone like the little girl from Matilda or something. But who is his love interest?

That would be the one on the left.

Sweet statutory! What the fuck, George? Natalie Portman is at least a decade and a half older than this kid. And we are expected to believe that these two will eventually mate and conceive the hero and heroine of the original trilogy. There's something very inherently wrong with that. But obviously, it's not gonna happen right away. Anakin is presumably gonna get older and less cutesy, and the relationship is gonna get less awkward.

Pictured: The whiny douchebag who eventually becomes Darth Vader.

Once Attack of the Clones rolls around, we are introduced to an older, less jail-baiting Anakin Skywalker. George Lucas missed a great opportunity to pick an amazing actor for the role. Nope, had to go with Hayden. George Lucas lucked out with The Phantom Menace. Due to all the space politics and the fact that Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor were the leads, he was spoiled with not having to do much directing for the actors. Now, an inferior actor is pushing the story forward, and George Lucas isn't exactly the best guy to pull a great performance out of him.

Anakin's age makes his relationship with Padme less wrong, but by no means is it less awkward. George Lucas is only slightly better than Stephanie Meyer at writing a love story. Can someone please tell me why, in a Star Wars movie, is there a scene in which two characters roll around in the fucking grass? And why, in any galaxy, regardless of how far, far away it is, is it considered a romantic gesture to compare your lover's skin with sand?

And here comes the dialogue. Yes, it's bad. It gets particularly bad in Revenge of the Sith on a scene that takes place on a balcony in Coruscant.

"You're so beautiful."

"That's because I'm so in love."

"No, it's because I'm so in love with you."

"So love has blinded you?"

"That's not exactly what I meant."

"But it's probably true."

Surprisingly, that exchange did NOT happen in this movie.

Why We Secretly Love It:

Because it's fucking Star Wars. In spite of how "unpopular" the first two were, people still lined up, dressed up, and got all excited over Revenge of the Sith - which, mind you, sat comfortably on the IMDb Top 250 for at least a year. In spite of all of its flaws, bad dialogue, a giant shrieking peacock-iguana, and Darth Vader sullying his own image worse than Mel Gibson on a night of heavy drinking...

Pictured: Rape? (Click for video)

Revenge of the Sith was on the same list as films like Casablanca, Citizen Kane, The Shawshank Redemption, and so on and so forth. For at least a year. Which means not only did people go see it, they fucking loved it. Oh, and Attack of the Clones? At least a month on that very same list. Why would such a poorly-written movie be so well-regarded?

Fuckin' A.

A single scene in which we finally get to see Yoda kick some ass. Sort of. And he does it again in Episode III. Sort of. Actually, he kinda gets his ass kicked and runs away. But yeah. Yoda.

We can complain all we want, but in the end we are willing to forgive every flaw from Jar Jar to Hayden because... well, fuck it. It's Star Wars.

1. Batman and Robin

Holy franchise killer, Batman!

Before Christopher Nolan came in and reinvented the franchise with his pure awesomeness, Tim Burton wasn't doing so bad with it himself. His 1989 film was very well-regarded, and the sequel even moreso. Sure, it was over-the-top in its Gothic themes and Burton-esque Expressionism, but few can deny that the first two Batman movies were freakin' incredible. Then in 1995, Burton graciously handed the franchise over to Joel Schumacher. Suddenly, the series saw a few changes. Robin was added to the mix. Harvey Dent turned from a black man to a white man. But amidst its over-the-top cartoonish nature, Batman Forever avoided being a bad film.

The same cannot be said for what followed.

Why We Pretend to Hate It:

Where to begin? Oh, remember those dark, expressionistic sets that made up the first two movies? They're gone. Gotham went from a city designed by Fritz Lang to Peewee's Playhouse. And as far as I could tell, this was supposed to be the same franchise. But the list of what is wrong with this film is quite long. So let me break it down for you.

It's like they're staring right at you.

Look, I can understand the rubber suit with abs constructed into them. It's been done before, even in the previous Batman films. But they really need nipples? What purpose does that serve? Does the suit lactate? Is this all part of Joel Schumacher's plot to dress all the characters up in S&M gear? When I see that image, I don't see a vigilante crime fighter. I see a dude who wants to whip me into submission for sexual gratification. And that image could very easily be corrected if they removed the nipples from the suit. Seriously.

I bet he's got a really small dick. You know, from the 'roids. They'll do that to ya.

Bane. There was sort of an outcry when Christopher Nolan announced that Bane would be the villain in his third Batman movie, especially since Nolan liked to put a more realistic spin on the comic. And how realistic can it be when the villain speaks in one-word sentences and moves around like an inadequate henchman? Thanks to Joel Schumacher and screenwriter Akiva Goldsman (Academy Award winning screenwriter Akiva Goldsman - let that sink in), the non-comic-book-reading public's image of Bane is just that. Apparently, Bane is actually supposed to be an evil genius who also happens to be buff. That's the Bane Nolan is going for. Not the masked professional wrestling gimp.

lol, what?

The Poison Ivy I remember, from the cartoon, was a bombshell of a woman somewhat modeled after the femmes fatales from 1940's Film-Noirs... Or for you young people, a more sinister Jessica Rabbit draped in green. So... um... what was the deal with making her look like a hideous mess? Uma Thurman had an inherent sophistacted sexiness that made her perfect for the role - had it been written correctly. And costumed correctly. And made up correctly. There's an entire plot device that relies on Batman and Robin fighting over this woman. I understand she was using this intoxicating powder to win them over, but there's only so much disbelief one can suspend. Instead of sophisticated and sexy they went with... clown-like and/or prostitute-ish. Who does an over-the-top stance with every line she says like she's a Power Ranger.

Looks like a bad Halloween costume.

For the record, Batgirl is the Comissioner's daughter, NOT Alfred's niece. But I suppose they had to find some awkward way to work her into the plot. Because, you know... Batgirl just HAD to be in the movie. Which is specifically titled Batman and Robin. Wouldn't be complete without Batgirl. I guess.

Sidekicks have never looked so fabulous!

Isn't Robin supposed to be a teenager? If so, why is Chris O'Donnell playing the part? He's clean-shaven, but he doesn't look like a teenager. Not by a longshot. Robin is supposed to be vulnerable because of his young age, but Chris O'Donnell looks like the kinda guy who can take care of himself. I know that's more of a criticism on Batman Forever, but I digress. His costume is simply ridiculous and it looks like the costumer was intentionally trying to make this movie a 90 minute gay joke.

Okay, there is way too much going on here. My head a splode.

Wait... Hold on. This isn't right...

Why We Secretly Love It:

Pictured: A funnier man than Dane Cook.

Okay, we all know that this is a very, very bad movie. But think about it for a moment. Was there ever a moment you did NOT enjoy watching it? Think about it. Even if you were sitting down, complaining about every departure from the comic or all the bad one-liners, shitty wardrobe and over-the-top acting... admit it, deep down you had fun watching this movie. Why is that?

Go ahead. It's okay to laugh.

Let's face it, Batman and Robin is simply one of the most quotable motion pictures of all time. It's a terrible film, no doubt about that. The screenplay is a mess, the plot is overstuffed, there are way too many characters... It was a movie slapped together to sell more action figures and hold back George Clooney's career for a few years. But it's a difficult film to turn away from - in spite of the fact that it's truly an eyesore.

It's despised because it bastardizes the source material and turns it into a circus. But deep down, you know you love it because it's big, dumb, fun, and most of all... freakin' hilarious.

10 Movies You Don't Want to Admit You Love - Part 4

2011-06-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

4. Titanic

If this were made today, Jack Dawson would have been a sparkly vampire.

Until 2009, Titanic was the reigning Box Office champion. Since its release in 1997, Titanic was the highest grossing film of all-time without adjusting for inflation. So, even with ticket prices doubling and all kinds of hugely successful films being released since then (Lord of the Rings, Spider-Man, The Dark Knight), Titanic did NOT get beat for the top box office spot until Avatar. In other words, it took James Cameron to dethrone his own movie.

Why We Pretend to Hate It:

For one thing, it's arguable whether it deserved the Oscar for Best Picture or if the Academy was catering to what was popular. Titanic was a big, epic Blockbuster that made a whole lot of money. Like... a ridiculous amount of money. Teen girls went to the theater in droves to see it multiple times because OMG LEO DICAPRIO IS TOO HAWWWT!!! Yes, Titanic was the Twilight of the 90's. And it won the Oscar for Best Picture. Over L.A. Confidential and Good Will Hunting, films that many will argue were of better quality than Titanic.

Before you go and blast my comparisons to Twilight, let's play a game. I'm gonna put down lines of dialogue from Twilight and Titanic, and you have to guess which movie they're from. Whenever a name comes up, I'll put up both names it could relate to. Ready? Go.

"You are my life now."
"Where to, Miss?" "To the stars."
"I'm the king of the world!"
"I'd rather be his whore than your wife."
"You have a gift, Edward/Jack. You do. You see people." "I see you."
"I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."
"Edward/Jack! This is where we first met!"
"I hate you for making me want you so much."
"Listen, Bella/Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and you're gonna make lots of babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?"
"You're like my own personal brand of heroin."
"I'll never let go, Edward/Jack. I'll never let go."
"I'd rather die than to stay way from you."

So it won various Oscars many felt were undeserved, it thrived on the fact that its star was a major teen heartthrob at the time, and if its screenplay were any cheesier Pizza Hut would consider it an extra topping. By the way, if you didn't hate Titanic before our little game, I apologize for making you hate it now.

Why We Secretly Love It:

The one thing no one wants to admit is how much they loved Titanic the first time they saw it. There's a reason it was the highest-grossing film of all time for twelve years, in the face of rising ticket prices and better movies. People watched it. People watched it over, and over again. Because while it did kind of pander to the overly sentimental and played itself off as a big, expensive romance novel... it also offered something for everybody.

OMG YOU TOTALLY SEE HER BOOBS AND ITS LIKE PG-13 AND STUFF.

Aside from a sappy, sentimental romance, Titanic was a drama about class differences, an action movie, a crime/thriller, and a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions. Once the ship hits the iceberg, Titanic goes from sappy to spec-freakin'-tacular.

Oh, and another thing... we LIKE sappy shit. We do. Some of you can turn our nose up and claim to be above it. Those people are either just out of a bad relationship, or they're hipsters.

For sooth! I wrote of romance prior to the popularity of writing thus.

Like I said earlier, sometimes we like to be pandered to. And if James Cameron knows all the cheap tricks to tugging at our heartstrings, you can't really blame him for exploiting that. Be it the loud, boisterous and sometimes tragic score by James Horner, or those aforementioned cheesy lines that will get you sighing amorously at the screen. So scorn and scoff all you want, but deep down you know you shed a tear when Jack sinks to the bottom of the ocean.

And speaking of a bad romance...

3. Twilight (and all sequels thereafter)

Kristen Stewart's signature facial expression: blank.

I just went through an entire section of dialogue comparing Titanic to Twilight. While few can argue that the dialogue in Titanic is only slightly better, it's general consensus that you have to be a tween girl or an amusingly sappy person to enjoy Twilight. Many prolific authors have spoken out against Stephanie Meyer's novels, because apparently she's not much of a writer.

Sure, she didn't WRITE "Friday", but you'd probably believe me if I told you she did.

Why We Pretend to Hate It:

Because it's sappy as Hell and the dialogue is laughable to boot. You need only look at the above list to get a good chuckle before dying a little inside after realizing whoever wrote that was dead serious... no pun intended. We also grew up with the notion that vampires are supposed to be scary, demonic creatures of the night who feast on human blood like a fat man in a Vegas buffet. Oh, and they burn in the sunlight. But Stephanie Meyer had different plans for these scary creatures.

"Sadly, Bella, this is not a joke."

So a century of vampire lore which paints the being as bloodthirsty and just all around evil has been reduced to Seventh Heaven with fangs. Several decent directors have taken on the series, beginning with Catherine Hardwicke (Lords of Dogtown), Chris Weitz (About a Boy) and David Slade (Hard Candy). The next book's adaptation will be directed by a very good director, Bill Condon (Kinsey, Dreamgirls). The series has yet to receive a fresh tomatometer rating, and is among one of the most despised film titles amongst most film enthusiasts and bitter guys who were dragged to those movies by their girlfriends.

Why We Secretly Love It:

Our inherently sappy nature notwithstanding, these movies are flippin' hilarious. They're a goldmine for comedic riffers like the folks at Rifftrax, whose riffs on the Twilight series are among their best. There are two ways you can watch the film. You can watch it as a serious fantasy/romance, which will have you rolling your eyes. Alternately, you watch it like it's a comedy and you'll find it very amusing.

Last year, the infamous team of Friedberg and Seltzer attempted to parody the series with their movie Vampires Suck. The Twilight movies themselves were much funnier.

Watching it with the more ironic approach gives the series a new kind of enjoyability. If you pretend that the series is poking fun of itself (which it kind of starts to do with Eclipse), you'll find a very funny parody of the romance genre.

Taking the lead and making him look hideous without a shirt on? That's gold!

You can argue that that's not what the filmmakers were going for, but then you're leaning on the fallacy of intent. It doesn't matter what the filmmaker intended to do, but what the audience derives from it. For reference, Ed Wood was serious when he made Plan 9 from Outer Space. Tragically serious. But it became a hilarious enough movie to make itself a cult classic and even get a biographical movie made about its director. Starring Johnny Depp. Directed by Tim Burton. Seriously.

The story of an amusingly naive man, or of a comedic genius? We may never know.

Fallacy of intent. Ed Wood intended to make a serious movie about aliens who resurrect the dead to send a message of peace to the human race, which takes place in the future but somehow also the past (it had a very confusing opening monologue). But they weren't kidding when they said "future events such as these will affect you in the future" (actual line from the opening monologue). Because sure enough, there's Twilight.

Obviously, Twilight had much more technical polish than Ed Wood's film. The budget was substantially higher, the editing made sense, and even the cinematography was pretty decent. It just had laughably atrocious dialogue.

In the end, we realize that these films are actually quite harmless. They're based on books that were undoubtedly poorly written, with a protagonist who's a hollow shell of a character (played perfectly by Kristen Stewart, who also appears to be the hollow shell of a character) intended to make it easier for the reader to project themselves onto her. It's offensively misogynistic and panders to an audience who likes to read novels with Fabio on the cover. But there's comedy in poorly-made stuff, and Twilight is a goldmine for that.

And also, like I said before... some of us don't so much mind being pandered to.

10 Movies You Don't Want to Admit You Love - Part 3

2011-05-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

6. Scary Movie

For a movie that was supposed to have "no sequel", it sure had... three of them.

The "Parody" was a dying sub-genre. With a couple of sub-par efforts by Leslie Nielson (although I felt Wrongfully Accused was sorely underrated) and the retirement of Mel Brooks, it looked like it was about time the movie Parody packed its things and took up permanent residence in Saturday Night Live. Here come the Wayans Brothers to save the day. The creators of Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (Best. Title. Ever.) came back to take on the Horror genre.

Why We Pretend to Hate It:

Because of this.

And this.

Also this.

And don't forget this.

What do all of these movies have in common? They were all written by "two of the six writers of Scary Movie." Ergot, if Scary Movie never happened, neither would ANY of those movies.

Furthermore, with Scary Movie, the Wayans Brothers are either responsible for creating an epic fail or a Postmodern masterpiece, because the main target of that particular film is Scream. Scream is a parody of the slasher genre while it was also, itself a slasher film. This would make Scary Movie a parody of a parody. The aforementioned "films" are even more guilty of doing this, but it gets more obvious because they're parodying over-the-top slapstick comedies like Borat and Dodgeball.

Because it was the beginning of a slew of really terrible movies that no one likes yet Hollywood seems to keep making, Scary Movie got lumped in with all of the movies that end in the word "Movie". Even though only TWO of its six writers were responsible for them all.

Why We Secretly Love It:

Because unlike the string-of-reference crap that keeps getting churned out seemingly every year, the first Scary Movie was actually pretty clever and funny. Whether its Anna Faris and her dopey, clueless girl act, or The Wayans Brothers with their ambiguous-gay and stoner jokes. But in the end, like the movie they parody, the Wayans Brothers point out and exploit the weaknesses of the genre. Where Scream took the deconstruction approach, Scary Movie exaggerrated all those weaknesses and utilized them for full-on comedic effect.

Comedically speaking, it's not exactly Gosford Park. It was not made for a sophisticated audience. Scary Movie was made to please the masses. It's not uncommon to turn your nose up at a joke you feel is below you, but the Wayans seemed to have a way of pulling it off to the point where you find it hard not to laugh when Carmen Electra farts in the beginning. Or the many, many times you see a penis. Not the kind of thing you will find in an Oscar-winning screenplay, but when you're looking to make a wide variety of people laugh, it takes a special kind of talent to pull that off.

"Oops. I farted. I didn't think you would hear me."

Granted, The Wayans Brothers seemed to lose that edge following Scary Movie. So, arguably, that was one of the last solid parody films. Sure, from time to time we'll get a Shaun of the Dead or a Walk Hard, which are both incredibly brilliant comedies for sure, but the Parody these days is kept afloat by Mad TV rejects who wouldn't know comedy if it bit them in the ass. Scary Movie may be a far cry from Airplane, but in the scheme of things it's actually quite good.

5. Suburban Commando

This doesn't look like a very good wrestling match at all...

Is there anyone out there who actually remembers this movie? Well, for those of you who grew up watching wrestling like I did, a movie starring Hulk Hogan was... like... the best thing ever. I remember watching the preview on my VHS tape of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 (hang in there, kids - I know this terminology is a little old for you) and being all like... OH MY GOD HULK HOGAN'S IN A MOVIE!!!! AHHHHHHH!

Excuse me. Hulkamaniac for life.

Why We Pretend to Hate It:

The Rock's career aside, is there any movie starring a professional wrestler that's actually GOOD?

PUT THE GLASSES ON! Okay... Name TWO.

Generally speaking, movies that feature professional wrestlers in them tend to... I don't know... suck. Like... a lot. The Rock proved himself to be an exception to the rule, and even he found himself falling into the same cinematic pratfalls as Hulk Hogan did.

Let that sink in for a moment. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Think about it. The Marine was God-awful, and John Cena proved to be anything but a Box Office draw. See No Evil was a built-in unintentional comedy because Kane was the killer. It seems every time a professional wrestler moves from the ring to a sound stage, it becomes a recipe for disaster.

Why We Secretly Love It:

It's so cheesy and nostalgic it's difficult NOT to love. It was made at the tail-end of that era where a high cheese factor was acceptable in movies. That would be mid-80's 'till about... 1991. The year this film was released. The requirements for a movie like this to work are that it had to be a Sci-fi, and it had to have really bad creature effects. Also, having The Undertaker talk like a six-year-old girl helps.

Bad special effects are a MUST. The movie must look like something of its time... or something slightly before it. Bear in mind, 1991 was the year Terminator 2 came out, and James Cameron was about to revolutionize visual effects for the umpteenth time. So if it can look like something that was made in 1986, that would work - as long as it was made within five years of that time. It must also have its fair share of quotable lines.

"I was frozen today!"

Oh, and as a general rule, if Christopher Lloyd is in your movie, it is automatically awesome. Period.

Video Blog: The Epic Return of Ped Xing Productions

2011-05-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Exciting News! I'm Back on Track!

2011-03-09T02:07:00.000-08:00

I'll get back to my "Top 10 Movies You Don't Want to Admit You Like" soon enough.

But I have also been very productive this past week, and I have completed outlining my story. I figured out how to end it, and I'm very happy with the way it's turning out so far.

There are still some minor adjustments that have to be made and I need to polish the "B" and "C" stories, but I have a clear idea of where my story is going and how I'm gonna get there.

I should begin writing the first draft of my screenplay tomorrow.

10 Movies You Don't Want to Admit You Love - Part 2

2011-03-06T22:42:00.000-08:00

8. Apocalypto

Pictured: Something vaguely racist and/or antisemitic

Ah, Mel Gibson... What ever are we going to do with you? Every time he pulls himself out of one controversy, he falls right into another. Will he ever make a good, clean comeback? Or is he destined to keep offending people for the rest of his career?

Why We Pretend to Hate It

Apocalypto was released fresh off the heels of Mel Gibson's infamous drunken antisemitic rant. People have lost their jobs over that sort of thing... you know, like... in the fashion industry. Even if he didn't mean anything anti-Jewish with The Passion of the Christ, it sure as Hell seemed like it now. So with Apocalypto coming out so soon on after the rant... It's not like people were jumping for joy over it. The man's Braveheart days seem behind him. Even Riggs would think he's crazy. No one's gonna like this movie. After all, we can't very well support such an irresponsible, ignorant man.

Pictured: Irresponsible, ignorant man.

Why We Secretly Love It

Mel Gibson is extremely talented. Whatever resentment he may or may not hold inside, Mel Gibson knows how to make a damn good movie... and Apocalypto was a damn good movie.

It's easy to say you're gonna boycott a certain artist because of something they do or say. But to actually do so may prove more difficult than you think. Also, consider that ALL Mel Gibson did was get arrested for DUI and say really cruel anti-semitic remarks to the Jewish cop who arrested him. I know what you're thinking. "What do you mean, that's ALL he did? That's a pretty big thing." Oh, it is. Don't get me wrong.

But Roman Polanski drugged and raped a 13-year-old girl.

What does one thing have to do with the other, you ask? Nothing, except how the media reacted. Mel Gibson was immediately portrayed as some kind of horrible, horrible person. These days, Roman Polanski is portrayed as a sort of... victim. A victim of an unfair criminal justice system. To be clear, he DRUGGED and RAPED a 13-year-old girl. Then he fled the country and now resides in France where they refuse to extradite him. And we love his movies so much, we pretty much forgave him. We forgave him so much, that he became the first U.S. fugitive to ever receive an Oscar for Best Director. So he narrowly escapes paying his debt to society, lives in France, continues to make movies (great movies at that), with no fear of ever serving time for his crime. He not only made a mockery of the American Criminal Justice system, but he keyed its Hummer, fornicated its mother, spat on its dog and gave it the finger.

Then he appeared in Rush Hour 3... The bastard!

My point? Talent trumps behavior. Roman Polanski committed a horrible act against a child and got away with it. But it's hard to stay mad at the guy who made Chinatown, The Pianist, Rosemary's Baby, and most recently The Ghost Writer. So we'll continue to praise his work, while the F.B.I. continues its futile attempt to bring him to justice.

Now, with that in perspective, does Mel Gibson's drunken stupidity seem all that bad anymore? I mean, sure. It definitely isn't a good thing. But it's not enough to take away from a really well-made film about a man trying to escape from an ancient civilization that practices ritual sacrifice. In a dead language.

Now he can say offensive things in Aramaic AND Mayan. And you'll never know it.

The reason Apocalypto is so damn hard to hate is because it's actually quite awesome. Dropping the religious angle, Mel Gibson made a solid action movie. A two-hour foot chase through the jungle. Extremely violent, yet strangely human. It's about a man who wants to get back to his family. While being chased by people who want to pull his heart out through his chest a la Temple of Doom. It's got something for everybody!

All Mel Gibson has to do is increase his body of work, and all of this will be put behind him. Sure, there are some who won't ever forgive him. But if Roman Polanski can save face after raping a kid, I'm sure Mel Gibson can move past being caught saying a few bigoted things here and there.

I should also point out that modern filmmaking was shaped by the racist son of a Confederate Army colonel. With the most explicitly racist movie ever created. And it is constantly being honored as one of the greatest motion pictures ever made. At least we can all agree that any antisemitic imagery found in Mel Gibson's films is accidental.

7. Any Horror/Slasher Sequel

The faces of fear for one movie each. The sources of humor for countless.

Go ahead. Say it. "The first one was a classic. All the sequels sucked." You know you want to. It's almost like a reflex. It's like you were trained to say it.

Why We Pretend to Hate Them

Because they all defy logic. They die at the end of each film, and somehow manage to come back. How is this possible? I don't care how "evil" you are, there's only so many ways a person can be killed before the audience begins to lose its ability to suspend disbelief.

The source of their power.

So what gives? Okay, I get it. Freddy's a ghost. So technically, he can come back however many times he wants because... hey, you can't kill him if he's already dead. Even though each movie finds a way to kill him, he always comes back - most times before the movie is even over. And we're kind of okay with that. Because he's a ghost. He has that supernatural advantage, so we don't really question it.

The real problem arises from what happens to his character. Freddy goes from being one of the most frightening characters to ever grace the silver screen to, well, a guy who tells punny jokes while he kills you.

...No, this is the guy who kills you WITH his jokes. Slowly. Painfully.

So let's recap. In the first movie, he sucks Johnny Depp into a bed revealing he has more blood in him than fifteen full-grown oxen. This is, of course, one of the most shocking, scariest scenes ever filmed. In one of the sequels, he kills some kid by beating him at a video game. This is incredibly over-the-top, and too silly to not have been intentional. So when you take a scary friggin' ghost and turn him into a third-rate Larry the Cable Guy knock-off, that's bound to piss off some fans.

In the Freddy and Jason franchises, there were sequels that were supposed to be the last ones . And they still kept making more. "New Nightmare" and "Freddy vs. Jason" were released after what was supposed to be "The Final Nightmare". There were seven Friday the 13th films made after the one called "The Final Chapter". One of them was called "Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday". THAT was followed by Jason X and Freddy vs. Jason.

Jason and Michael Myers REALLY make no sense. In the first Friday, it's established that Jason is dead. That's the whole reason his mother goes out on a killing rampage - to avenge her son's death. Yet somehow, in part 2, he's alive and killing (kicking, too). How did that happen? And why does he keep coming back? Why does Michael keep coming back? Michael's been blown up, shot, stabbed, beaten to death and decapitated. That last one seemed to do it, but wait... Hold on, they came up with a way to bring him back... Never mind, Halloween: Resurrection doesn't count because that one actually DID suck. And it was a stupid reason - they pretty much said that it was one of the EMT's who got decapitated. One crazy, psychopathic, superhuman EMT who tried to kill Jamie Lee Curtis wearing Michael's mask.

"It's okay. I'm a doctor."

But in the end, it's that these movies are pretty much all the same. Killer comes back, stalks teenagers, kills a few in the most gruesome ways possible, then gets overpowered by an androgynous female and dies. Or does he? Hint: If there's enough money in it for the studio, he doesn't.

Why We Secretly Love Them (Except for Halloween: Resurrection. Fuck that movie.)

You remember what I said yesterday about how human beings like to watch shit blow up? Well, human beings also like to watch bad things happen to other people. It's why people rubberneck at car accidents and train wrecks. They wanna see blood. And it's not that we're some heartless species that gets its kicks from the suffering of others (although there are some of us like that). It's just part of who we are. And the fact that these characters are fictional makes it that much easier to enjoy it.

Consider the Grand Theft Auto series. Who doesn't enjoy going on rampages in those games? Like, seriously... that game allows you to kill innocent people on the street (prostitutes seem to be a popular target for some odd reason). What does that say about us? Are we so violent in nature that we have to use a video game to simulate mass murder?

Why is this man NOT on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List?

It's the idea that we're safe from all of this stuff. We're in no real danger. The Grand Theft Auto series offers you the release of being able to kill people without the legal repercussions of doing so. Likewise, slasher movies allow you to watch teenagers get killed while you, yourself are not in any danger. And it's all guilt-free, because you know it's all fake.

Studios keep making these damn movies because they're cheap to make, and they do relatively well at the Box Office. Which means people are watching these movies, and they keep on coming back for more. Cheap and unoriginal as these films are - they're essentially giving you the same story over and over again with more elaborate death scenes - they're undeniably fun to watch.

10 Movies You Don't Want to Admit You Love - Part 1

2011-03-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

I might make another list as time goes by, but I've just been thinking about all the bad movies that I secretly loved watching over the years, and I find more and more that other people have a sort of... affinity for these movies as well. Of course, it's a secret affair that they never, ever want anyone to know about. But it exists. And I'm here to call you out on it.

Now, I know some of you will probably deny it. Most of you will. That's good. You're further proving my point. You just don't want to admit you like these movies. Afraid of losing face. Losing credibility. Well, it's time to pull those skeletons out of your closets. Because this shit's about to get real, yo.

10. The Karate Kid (2010)

Initial reaction: What. The. Fuck.

Why We Pretend to Hate it

Where to begin? It's a remake of a beloved classic from the 80's. All children of the 80's know you do NOT remake beloved classics from the 80's. What's next, Red Dawn starring the cast of Jersey Shore?

Pictured: Our only hope against the Commies. God help us.

So that was strike one. The 1984 version of The Karate Kid has become the quintissential underdog story of a generation. And Will Smith had the nerve to remake it. Casting his son in the lead. Strike two. Nepotism. Will Smith put this film together as a vehicle for his son. Jaden wanted to make a movie, and Will was like... okay. So they made one. Set in China. With... strike three... Jackie Chan as the Mr. Miyagi equivalent. Pat Morita earned an Oscar nomination for that role. Mr. Miyagi is, arguably, one of the most memorable characters ever. And who did they replace him with?

This guy. This. Fucking. Guy.

Jackie Chan is one of Hollywood's biggest martial artists who has appeared in many entertaining (and many terrible) action films. What we do not perceive him as, however, is an actor. And "Mr. Miyagi" (his name was changed due to the film now taking place in China) needs to be played by an actor. Oh, and as an added deduction (if Baseball had four strikes, this would would be the metaphorical strike four), it is rather common knowledge that Karate is a Japanese Martial Art - and Jaden Smith is in China. Learning Kung Fu. In fact, I give them credit for not referring to it as Karate at all - except for Taraji P. Henson, who is promptly corrected by Jaden. So the title doesn't even make sense anymore.

Oh, and the director, Harold Zwart... He's responsible for THIS.

You hear that? That's the sound of your childhood slitting its wrists.

A week before this movie came out, it was destined to flop. No one wanted to see it. Internet message boards were filled with protests from film geeks who were offended by the notion that their childhood was being brutally raped by a Hollywood studio system gone mad with power. It was clear nobody wanted to see this movie.

Why We Secretly Love It

The numbers don't lie. $55,665,805 opening weekend. Overall theatrical gross $176,591,618 - in the U.S.A. alone. Big deal, right? Bad movies make lots of money at the box office all the time. Doesn't mean a damn thing. But hold on. It was a movie NO ONE wanted to see, right? Well, evidently... everyone was lying through their friggin' teeth. Because EVERYONE saw this damn movie. Not to mention it has a respectable 66% Tomatometer rating (67% from Top Critics). That's incredible for a movie no one wanted to see happen.

Why do we secretly love it? Because in theory it should not have worked... With its mind-boggling cast, poor choice in director, longer-than-it-has-any-right-to-be running time, and the fact that it's an obviously Hollywoodized remake of a childhood favorite, it should have fallen flat on its face. But it didn't. Against all odds, The 2010 version of The Karate Kid thrived, both critically and commercially. It was a respectable update to the classic story, had exquisite cinematography and a great score by James Horner (fresh off of his Avatar high). Jaden Smith proved to be a worthy young actor and a chip off the old block - his future in movies is set in stone. As for Jackie Chan... He surprised everyone with his best English-language performance ever (sadly, the clip I wanted to use can't be found online - but this one's not bad either).

This remake gave the old story a larger, more epic approach. We are given a protagonist we want to see succeed (if, for nothing else, because he's... like... a tiny Will Smith, man), a wonderful supporting cast, and a film that's generally breathtaking to look at. It was way more than anyone expected in more ways than one. You might still scorn and scoff at it, because Ralph Macchio can never be replaced... but The Karate Kid is difficult NOT to enjoy - '84 or '10. And let's face it... At least it's better than The Karate Kid Part III...

9. Armageddon

In some states if an American Flag is not present you are allowed to salute this poster in its place.

Half of you are thinking, "I love this movie and I'm not afraid to show it." If this is you, congratulations. You're NOT a film geek. You're a casual moviegoer - and whether film geeks like it or not, you are keeping the industry in business. As a future filmmaker myself, I thank you. The other half of you wanna tell me to go fuck myself. "I'm not pretending anything," you might say, "I really DO hate that movie. How dare you insinuate otherwise?"

Why We Pretend to Hate It

Two words: Michael Bay. If you study film like I did, you'll find that your professors do NOT want you to be like Michael Bay (or Quentin Tarantino, but that's a story for a different article). Michael Bay is the type of filmmaker most serious film scholars hate because he does a lot of pandering. Like... a whole lot of pandering. If you look at his birth certificate, you'll find that his full name is actually Michael Spectacle Bay. I don't know if you've noticed, but Michael Bay's movies have more explosions than they do dialogue.

This single frame has more explosions in it than The Hurt Locker in its entirety.

Why We Secretly Love It

We're human beings, and believe it or not, we LIKE to be pandered to. From time to time, we like to take a break from all the art films and Oscar winners, and watch a big, dumb, action movie. Enter Armageddon. Its premise doesn't make any damn sense. Teaching a bunch of oil drillers how to be astronauts so they can fly up to an asteroid and blow it up before it hits Earth sounds really implausible and inefficient - I'm sure it would take much less time teaching actual astronauts how to drill. But Bruce Willis is more believable as a bad-ass if he spent his entire life drilling for oil, so it all kind of evens out.

Astronauts are not legally allowed to look this awesome.

So what does this say about our society? Are we getting dumber? Are we demanding less from our entertainment? Is Mike Judge's Idiocracy that close to becoming a reality? Not quite. From the beginning, movies were all about spectacle. The Lumiére Brothers didn't have any "story" or "depth" in their early films. They just set a camera down, shot some footage and showed it to audiences who were wowed by the fact that the damn pictures were moving. Later on, filmmakers would add stories and stuff to their films. But spectacle never left us.

Today, we still have filmmakers who exist simply to give us eye candy. Enter Michael Bay, who knows a thing or two about human nature. Particularly, that we like to watch shit blow up. This is not new. There is something about explosions that's visually exciting. Who doesn't like watching Fireworks go off on the Fourth of July? Theme parks will often have attractions where things will explode in front of guests. Until the end of last year, Universal Studios in Hollywood had a Backdraft-themed attraction where, literally, guests stand in a warehouse and watch it burn to the fucking ground. Interesting note, that attraction was removed to make way for a Transformers-themed ride. You guessed it. Michael Bay.

"I can out-explosion THAT thing without even trying."

Not only does Armageddon cater to our primitive desire to watch shit blow up, but also our primitive desire to feel things. Truth be told, singing the Star-Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl with a hot-dog barbecue in the background, the U.S. Marines, Hulk Hogan and Superman fighting off Nazis at the endzone could not instill a bigger sense of Patriotism than the movie Armageddon. The American Flag is so prevalent in that movie, it's a wonder that movie was so successful overseas. Oh, wait. That's probably because those primitive desires are not restricted to the United States.

The way the film plays with our emotions... Sure, it's not exactly "original". Titanic did all that shit the year before, and movies have been doing it for decades. But when all is said and done, it's effective. Who doesn't want to shed a tear when Liv Tyler's hand touches the monitor just as Bruce Willis' face fades into static? I know I did... Shut up.

And there's one more reason we love this movie, although it really doesn't have to do with the movie itself... This video was freakin' AWESOME! AMERICA!!!!! WOOOOOO!

The Seventh Annual Ped Xing Awards - Winners

2011-02-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

They're finally up! I announced my Ped Xing Award winners in video blog format, but for those of you who don't want to sit through, like... a good amount of me talking, you can just look at the list of winners below. Enjoy!

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR

The King's Speech: Iain Canning, Emile Sherman, Gareth Unwin

2009: The Hurt Locker: Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier, Greg Shapiro
2008: The Dark Knight: Christopher Nolan, Charles Roven, Emma Thomas
2007: There Will Be Blood: Paul Thomas Anderson, Daniel Lupi, JoAnne Sellar
2006: Children of Men: Marc Abraham, Eric Newman, Hilary Shor, Iain Smith, Tony Smith
2005: Brokeback Mountain: Diana Ossana, James Schamus
2004: The Passion of the Christ: Bruce Davey, Mel Gibson, Enzo Sisti

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

The King's Speech: Colin Firth

2009: Crazy Heart: Jeff Bridges
2008: Milk: Sean Penn (TIE)
2008: The Wrestler: Mickey Rourke (TIE)
2007: There Will Be Blood: Daniel Day-Lewis
2006: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan: Sacha Baron Cohen
2005: Capote: Philip Seymour Hoffman
2004: The Passion of the Christ: James Caviezel

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Black Swan: Natalie Portman

2009: An Education: Carrie Mulligan
2008: Revolutionary Road: Kate Winslet
2007: La Vie en Rose: Marion Cotillard
2006: The Queen: Helen Mirren
2005: Transamerica: Felicity Huffman
2004: Million Dollar Baby: Hilary Swank

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

The Fighter: Christian Bale

2009: Inglourious Basterds: Christoph Waltz
2008: The Dark Knight: Heath Ledger
2007: No Country for Old Men: Javier Bardem
2006: Dreamgirls: Eddie Murphy
2005: Sin City: Clive Owen
2004: Closer: Clive Owen

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

True Grit: Hailee Steinfeld

2009: Precious: Mo'Nique
2008: Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Penélope Cruz
2007: I'm Not There.: Cate Blanchett
2006: Dreamgirls: Jennifer Hudson
2005: The Constant Gardener: Rachel Weisz
2004: The Passion of the Christ: Maia Morgenstern

BEST DIRECTOR

The King's Speech: Tom Hooper

2009: The Hurt Locker: Kathryn Bigelow
2008: The Dark Knight: Christopher Nolan
2007: No Country for Old Men: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
2006: The Departed: Martin Scorsese
2005: Munich: Steven Spielberg
2004: The Passion of the Christ: Mel Gibson

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Inception: Christopher Nolan

2009: (500) Days of Summer: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber
2008: WALL-E: Andrew Stanton
2007: Juno: Diablo Cody
2006: Little Miss Sunshine: Michael Arndt
2005: Crash: Paul Haggis
2004: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Pierre Bismuth, Michel Gondry, Charlie Kaufman

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

The Social Network: Aaron Sorkin

2009: Up in the Air: Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner
2008: The Dark Knight: Christopher Nolan, Jonathan Nolan
2007: There Will Be Blood: Paul Thomas Anderson
2006: Children of Men: David Arata, Alfonso Cuarón, Mark Fergus, Hawk Otsby, Timothy J. Sexton
2005: Batman Begins: David S. Goyer, Christopher Nolan
2004: Closer: Patrick Marber

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

True Grit: Roger Deakins

2009: Avatar: Mauro Fiore
2008: The Fall: Colin Watkinson
2007: There Will Be Blood: Robert Elswit
2006: Children of Men: Emmanuel Lubezki
2005: Memoirs of a Geisha: Dion Beebe
2004: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Eric Adkins

BEST ART DIRECTION

The King's Speech: Eve Stewart, Judy Farr

2009: Avatar: Rick Carter, Robert Stromberg, Kim Sinclair
2008: The Fall: Ged Clarke, Riccardo Pugliese, Cynthia Sleiter
2007: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo
2006: Pan's Labyrinth: Eugenio Caballero

BEST EDITING

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Jonathan Amos, Paul Machliss

2009: The Hurt Locker: Chris Innis, Bob Murawski
2008: Slumdog Millionaire: Chris Dickens

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

Alice in Wonderland: Colleen Atwood

2009: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus: Monique Prudhomme
2008: The Fall: Eiko Ishioka

BEST MAKEUP

Splice: Marie Nardella

2009: The Road: Toni G, Geordie Sheffer
2008: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Greg Cannom

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

TRON: Legacy: Nominees to be determined

2009: Avatar: Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham, Andy Jones
2008: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron
2007: Transformers: Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl, John Frazier
2006: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: John Knoll, Hal T. Hickel, Charles Gibson, Allen Hall
2005: King Kong: Joe Letteri, Brian Van't Hul, Christian Rivers, Richard Taylor
2004: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Stephen Lawes, Scott E. Anderson, Darin Hollings

BEST SOUND

Inception: Richard King, Ed Novick, Lora Hirschberg, Gary Rizzo

2009: The Hurt Locker: Paul N.J. Ottosson, Ray Beckett
2008: WALL-E: Tom Myers, Michael Semanick, Ben Burtt, Matthew Wood

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

TRON: Legacy: Daft Punk

2009: Avatar: James Horner
2008: WALL-E: Thomas Newman
2007: There Will Be Blood: Jonny Greenwood
2006: Pan's Labyrinth: Javier Navarrette
2005: Brokeback Mountain: Gustavo Santaolalla
2004: The Passion of the Christ: John Debney

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

Tangled: "I See the Light", Alan Menken, Glenn Slater

2009: Nine: "Cinema Italiano", Maury Yeston
2008: The Wrestler: "The Wrestler", Bruce Springsteen
2007: Once: "Falling Slowly", Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová
2006: Casino Royale: "You Know My Name", Chris Cornell, David Arnold
2005: Hustle & Flow: "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp", Paul Beauregard, Cedric Coleman, Jordan Houston
2004: Troy: "Remember", James Horner, Cynthia Weil

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY - DANCE

Black Swan: Kurt Froman

2009: Nine: John DeLuca, Denise Faye, Tara Nicole Hughes, Rob Marshall, Joey Pizzi
2008: High School Musical 3: Senior Year: Bayli Baker, Charles Klapow, Kenny Ortega, Bonnie Story
2007: Hairspray: Anne Fletcher, Jerry Mitchell, Joey Pizzi, Adam Shankman, Jamal Sims, Zachary Woodlee
2006: Dreamgirls: Aakomon Jones, Joey Pizzi, Fatima Robinson

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY - FIGHT

Inception: Sy Hollands, Cedric Proust, Tom Struthers

2009: Ninja Assassin: Jonathan Eusebio, Richard King, Chad Stahelski, John Valera, Peng Zhang
2008: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Ben Cooke
2007: 300: Damon Caro, Chad Stahelski
2006: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: Daniel W. Barringer, George Marshall Ruge

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Biutiful: Alejandro González Iñárritu

2009: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Niels Arden Oplev
2008: Let the Right One In: Tomas Alfredson
2007: Lust, Caution: Ang Lee
2006: Letters from Iwo Jima: Clint Eastwood
2005: Oldboy: Chan-wook Park
2004: Downfall: Oliver Hirschbiegel

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

Toy Story 3: Lee Unkrich

2009: Up: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson
2008: WALL-E: Andrew Stanton
2007: Ratatouille: Brad Bird
2006: Happy Feet: George Miller, Warren Coleman, Judy Morris
2005: Howl's Moving Castle: Hayao Miyazaki
2004: The Incredibles: Brad Bird

BEST DOCUMENTARY

Exit Through the Gift Shop: Banksy

2009: The Cove: Louie Psihoyos
2008: Religulous: Larry Charles
2007: Sicko: Michael Moore
2006: An Inconvenient Truth: Davis Guggenheim

2005: Grizzly Man: Werner Herzog

Video Blog 02-25-10

2011-02-26T17:36:00.001-08:00

Video Blog 02-14-11

2011-02-15T01:21:00.000-08:00

The Seventh Annual Ped Xing Awards - Nominees

2011-01-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

Please Note: These lists are NOT in any way, shape or form, final. Changes can, have, and most likely WILL happen to this list. And they could happen at any time. If, for instance, four years down the line, I have a change of heart, I could change my mind. I also say this because I haven't seen everything yet this year. So additions and changes will very likely happen to this list before I announce the winners (on Oscar sunday).

So, without further ado, I present to you the 2010 Ped Xing Award Nominees!

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR

Animal Kingdom: - Liz Watts
Black Swan: Scott Franklin, Mike Medavoy, Arnold Messer, Brian Oliver
Inception: Christopher Nolan, Emma Thomas
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Eric Gitter, Nira Park, Mark Platt, Edgar Wright
The Kids Are All Right: Gary Gilbert, Philippe Hellmann, Jordan Horowitz, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte, Celine Rattray, Daniela Taplin Lundberg
The King's Speech: Iain Canning, Emile Sherman, Gareth Unwin
The Social Network: Dana Brunetti, Ceán Chaffin, Michael De Luca, Scott Rudin
Toy Story 3: Darla K. Anderson
True Grit: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen, Scott Rudin
Winter's Bone: Alix Madigan, Anne Rosellini

2009: The Hurt Locker: Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier, Greg Shapiro
2008: The Dark Knight: Christopher Nolan, Charles Roven, Emma Thomas
2007: There Will Be Blood: Paul Thomas Anderson, Daniel Lupi, JoAnne Sellar
2006: Children of Men: Marc Abraham, Eric Newman, Hilary Shor, Iain Smith, Tony Smith
2005: Brokeback Mountain: Diana Ossana, James Schamus
2004: The Passion of the Christ: Bruce Davey, Mel Gibson, Enzo Sisti

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

127 Hours: James Franco
Blue Valentine: Ryan Gosling
Get Low: Robert Duvall
Inception: Leonardo DiCaprio
Love and Other Drugs: Jake Gyllenhaal
The Fighter: Mark Wahlberg
The King's Speech: Colin Firth
The Social Network: Jesse Eisenberg
The Town: Ben Affleck
True Grit: Jeff Bridges

2009: Crazy Heart: Jeff Bridges
2008: Milk: Sean Penn (TIE)
2008: The Wrestler: Mickey Rourke (TIE)
2007: There Will Be Blood: Daniel Day-Lewis
2006: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan: Sacha Baron Cohen
2005: Capote: Philip Seymour Hoffman
2004: The Passion of the Christ: James Caviezel

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Black Swan: Natalie Portman
Blue Valentine: Michelle Williams
Burlesque: Christina Aguilera
Easy A: Emma Stone
Let Me In: Chloe Moretz
Love and Other Drugs: Anne Hathaway
Rabbit Hole: Nicole Kidman
The Kids Are All Right: Annette Bening
The Kids Are All Right: Julianne Moore
Winter's Bone: Jennifer Lawrence

2009: An Education: Carrie Mulligan
2008: Revolutionary Road: Kate Winslet
2007: La Vie en Rose: Marion Cotillard
2006: The Queen: Helen Mirren
2005: Transamerica: Felicity Huffman
2004: Million Dollar Baby: Hilary Swank

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Get Low: Bill Murray
I Love You Phillip Morris: Ewan McGregor
Red: John Malkovich
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Kieran Culkin
The Fighter: Christian Bale
The King's Speech: Geoffrey Rush
The Social Network: Andrew Garfield
The Social Network: Justin Timberlake
The Town: Jon Hamm
True Grit: Matt Damon

2009: Inglourious Basterds: Christoph Waltz
2008: The Dark Knight: Heath Ledger
2007: No Country for Old Men: Javier Bardem
2006: Dreamgirls: Eddie Murphy
2005: Sin City: Clive Owen
2004: Closer: Clive Owen

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Animal Kingdom: Jacki Weaver
Black Swan: Mila Kunis
Burlesque: Cher
Inception: Marion Cotillard
The Fighter: Amy Adams
The Fighter: Melissa Leo
The King's Speech: Helena Bonham Carter
The Social Network: Rooney Mara
The Town: Rebecca Hall
True Grit: Hailee Steinfeld

2009: Precious: Mo'Nique
2008: Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Penélope Cruz
2007: I'm Not There.: Cate Blanchett
2006: Dreamgirls: Jennifer Hudson
2005: The Constant Gardener: Rachel Weisz
2004: The Passion of the Christ: Maia Morgenstern

BEST DIRECTOR

Animal Kingdom: David Michôd
Black Swan: Darren Aronofsky
Blue Valentine: Derek Cianfrance
Inception: Christopher Nolan
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Edgar Wright
The Fighter: David O. Russell
The King's Speech: Tom Hooper
The Social Network: David Fincher
The Town: Ben Affleck
True Grit: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen

2009: The Hurt Locker: Kathryn Bigelow
2008: The Dark Knight: Christopher Nolan
2007: No Country for Old Men: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
2006: The Departed: Martin Scorsese
2005: Munich: Steven Spielberg
2004: The Passion of the Christ: Mel Gibson

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Animal Kingdom: David Michôd
Black Swan: Andres Heinz, Mark Heyman, John J. McLaughlin
Easy A: Bert V. Royal
Get Him to the Greek: Nicholas Stoller
Inception: Christopher Nolan
Micmacs: Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Guillaume Laurant
The Fighter: Eric Johnson, Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy
The Kids Are All Right: Stuart Blumberg, Lisa Cholodenko
The King's Speech: David Seidler
The Other Guys: Adam McKay, Chris Henchy

2009: (500) Days of Summer: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber
2008: WALL-E: Andrew Stanton
2007: Juno: Diablo Cody
2006: Little Miss Sunshine: Michael Arndt
2005: Crash: Paul Haggis
2004: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Pierre Bismuth, Michel Gondry, Charlie Kaufman

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1: Steve Kloves
How to Train Your Dragon: Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Michael Bacall, Edgar Wright
Shutter Island: Laeta Kalogridis
The Ghost Writer: Robert Harris, Roman Polanski
The Social Network: Aaron Sorkin
The Town: Ben Affleck, Peter Craig, Aaron Stockard
Toy Story 3: Michael Arndt
True Grit: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
Winter's Bone: Debra Granik, Anne Rosellini

2009: Up in the Air: Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner
2008: The Dark Knight: Christopher Nolan, Jonathan Nolan
2007: There Will Be Blood: Paul Thomas Anderson
2006: Children of Men: David Arata, Alfonso Cuarón, Mark Fergus, Hawk Otsby, Timothy J. Sexton
2005: Batman Begins: David S. Goyer, Christopher Nolan
2004: Closer: Patrick Marber

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

127 Hours: Enrique Chediak, Anthony Dod Mantle
Black Swan: Matthew Libatique
Blue Valentine: Andrij Parekh
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1: Eduardo Serra
Inception: Wally Pfister
Let Me In: Greig Fraser
The American: Martin Ruhe
The King's Speech: Danny Cohen
The Social Network: Jeff Cronenweth
True Grit: Roger Deakins

2009: Avatar: Mauro Fiore
2008: The Fall: Colin Watkinson
2007: There Will Be Blood: Robert Elswit
2006: Children of Men: Emmanuel Lubezki
2005: Memoirs of a Geisha: Dion Beebe
2004: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Eric Adkins

BEST ART DIRECTION

Alice in Wonderland: Robert Stromberg, Karen O'Hara
Get Low: Geoffrey Kirkland, Frank Galline
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1: Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan
Inception: Guy Hendrix Dyas, Larry Dias, Doug Mowat
Micmacs: Aline Bonetto
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Marcus Rowland, Odetta Stoddard
Shutter Island: Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo
The King's Speech: Eve Stewart, Judy Farr
TRON: Legacy: Darren Gilford, Lin MacDonald
True Grit: Jess Gonchor, Nancy Haigh

2009: Avatar: Rick Carter, Robert Stromberg, Kim Sinclair
2008: The Fall: Ged Clarke, Riccardo Pugliese, Cynthia Sleiter
2007: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo
2006: Pan's Labyrinth: Eugenio Caballero

BEST EDITING

127 Hours: Jon Harris
Black Swan: Andrew Weisblum
Blue Valentine: Jim Helton, Ron Patane
Inception: Lee Smith
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Jonathan Amos, Paul Machliss
Shutter Island: Thelma Schoonmaker
The King's Speech: Tariq Anwar
The Social Network: Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall
TRON: Legacy: James Haygood
Winter's Bone: Affonso Gonçalves

2009: The Hurt Locker: Chris Innis, Bob Murawski
2008: Slumdog Millionaire: Chris Dickens

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

Alice in Wonderland: Colleen Atwood
Black Swan: Amy Westcott
Burlesque: Michael Kaplan
Get Him to the Greek: Leesa Evans
Inception: Jeffrey Kurland
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: Penny Rose
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Laura Jean Shannon
The King's Speech: Jenny Beavan
TRON: Legacy: Michael Wilkinson
True Grit: Mary Zophres

2009: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus: Monique Prudhomme
2008: The Fall: Eiko Ishioka

BEST MAKEUP

127 Hours: Gina Homan, Stephanie Scott
A Nightmare on Elm Street: Karen Lynn Accattato, Dominic Mango, Andy Clement
Alice in Wonderland: Terry Baliel, Valli O'Reilly
Black Swan: Judy Chin, Marjorie Durand, Geordie Sheffer
Burlesque: Martin Samuel, Cindy J. Williams
Get Low: Colleen Callaghan, Ken Dias
Splice: Marie Nardella
The Wolfman: Rick Baker, Lisa Westcott
TRON: Legacy: Anji Bemben, Rosalina Da Silva
True Grit: Kay Georgiou, Thomas Nellen

2009: The Road: Toni G, Geordie Sheffer
2008: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Greg Cannom

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

Alice in Wonderland: Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas, Sean Phillips
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1: Tim Burke, John Richardson, Nicolas Aithadi, Christian Manz
Inception: Paul J. Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley, Pete Bebb
Iron Man 2: Janek Sirrs, Ben Snow, Ged Wright
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Frazer Churchill
Shutter Island: Rob Legato
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: Nominees to be determined
The Last Airbender: Nominees to be determined
The Sorcerer's Apprentice: Nominees to be determined
TRON: Legacy: Nominees to be determined

2009: Avatar: Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham, Andy Jones
2008: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron
2007: Transformers: Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl, John Frazier
2006: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: John Knoll, Hal T. Hickel, Charles Gibson, Allen Hall
2005: King Kong: Joe Letteri, Brian Van't Hul, Christian Rivers, Richard Taylor
2004: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Stephen Lawes, Scott E. Anderson, Darin Hollings

BEST SOUND

127 Hours: Glenn Freemantle, Steven C. Laneri, Douglas Cameron, Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke
Animal Kingdom: Philippe Decrausaz, Sam Petty, Robert Mackenzie
Black Swan: Brian Emrich, Craig Henighan, Dominick Tavella
Inception: Richard King, Ed Novick, Lora Hirschberg, Gary Rizzo
Iron Man 2: Frank E. Eulner, Christopher Boyes, Lora Hirschberg
The American: Paul Davies, Mark Paterson, Jamie Roden, Andrew Stirk
The King's Speech: Paul Hamblin, Martin Jensen, Lee Walpole
The Town: Aaron Glascock, Gregg Landaker, Steve Maslow, Curt Schulkey
TRON: Legacy: Steve Boeddecker, Christopher Boyes, Juan Peralta, Gary Rizzo, Addison Teague, Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
True Grit: Craig Berkey, Skip Lievsay, Greg Orloff

2009: The Hurt Locker: Paul N.J. Ottosson, Ray Beckett
2008: WALL-E: Tom Myers, Michael Semanick, Ben Burtt, Matthew Wood

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

Alice in Wonderland: Danny Elfman
Eclipse: Howard Shore
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1: Alexandre Desplat
How to Train Your Dragon: John Powell
Inception: Hans Zimmer
Tangled: Alan Menken
The Karate Kid: James Horner
The King's Speech: Alexandre Desplat
Toy Story 3: Randy Newman
TRON: Legacy: Daft Punk

2009: Avatar: James Horner
2008: WALL-E: Thomas Newman
2007: There Will Be Blood: Jonny Greenwood
2006: Pan's Labyrinth: Javier Navarrette
2005: Brokeback Mountain: Gustavo Santaolalla
2004: The Passion of the Christ: John Debney

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

Alice in Wonderland: "Alice", Avril Lavigne
Burlesque: "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me", Diane Warren
Get Him to the Greek: "African Child (Trapped in Me)", Mike Viola
Iron Man 2: "Make Way for Tomorrow Today", Richard M. Sherman
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: "I Remain", Alanis Morrisette
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: "We Are Sex Bob-Omb!", Beck
Tangled: "I See the Light", Alan Menken, Glenn Slater
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: "There's a Place for Us", Carrie Underwood, David Hodges, Hillary Lindsey
The Other Guys: "Pimps Don't Cry", Jon Brion, Adam McKay, Will Farrell, Orr Ravhon, Erica Weis
Toy Story 3: "We Belong Together", Randy Newman

2009: Nine: "Cinema Italiano", Maury Yeston
2008: The Wrestler: "The Wrestler", Bruce Springsteen
2007: Once: "Falling Slowly", Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová
2006: Casino Royale: "You Know My Name", Chris Cornell, David Arnold
2005: Hustle & Flow: "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp", Paul Beauregard, Cedric Coleman, Jordan Houston
2004: Troy: "Remember", James Horner, Cynthia Weil

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY - DANCE

Black Swan: Kurt Froman
Burlesque: Denise Faye, Aisha Jamila Francis, Tara Nicole Hughes, Jacquel Knight, Joey Pizzi
Step Up 3D: Hi-Hat, Dave Scott, Jamal Sims

2009: Nine: John DeLuca, Denise Faye, Tara Nicole Hughes, Rob Marshall, Joey Pizzi
2008: High School Musical 3: Senior Year: Bayli Baker, Charles Klapow, Kenny Ortega, Bonnie Story
2007: Hairspray: Anne Fletcher, Jerry Mitchell, Joey Pizzi, Adam Shankman, Jamal Sims, Zachary Woodlee
2006: Dreamgirls: Aakomon Jones, Joey Pizzi, Fatima Robinson

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY - FIGHT

Inception: Sy Hollands, Cedric Proust, Tom Struthers
Kick-Ass: Damien Walters, Peng Zhang
Machete: Russell Towery
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: Ben Cooke
Salt: Wade Allen
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Litza Bixler, Cheryl Quiacos
The Fighter: Ben Bray, Ray Siegle
The Karate Kid: Gang Wu
The Warrior's Way: Yûji Shimomura, Kensuke Sonomura
TRON: Legacy: David Leitch

2009: Ninja Assassin: Jonathan Eusebio, Richard King, Chad Stahelski, John Valera, Peng Zhang
2008: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Ben Cooke
2007: 300: Damon Caro, Chad Stahelski
2006: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: Daniel W. Barringer, George Marshall Ruge

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Micmacs: Jean-Pierre Jeunet
The Girl Who Played with Fire: Daniel Alfredson

2009: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Niels Arden Oplev
2008: Let the Right One In: Tomas Alfredson
2007: Lust, Caution: Ang Lee
2006: Letters from Iwo Jima: Clint Eastwood
2005: Oldboy: Chan-wook Park
2004: Downfall: Oliver Hirschbiegel

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

Despicable Me: Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
How to Train Your Dragon: Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole: Zack Snyder
Tangled: Nathan Greno, Byron Howard
Toy Story 3: Lee Unkrich

2009: Up: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson
2008: WALL-E: Andrew Stanton
2007: Ratatouille: Brad Bird
2006: Happy Feet: George Miller, Warren Coleman, Judy Morris
2005: Howl's Moving Castle: Hayao Miyazaki
2004: The Incredibles: Brad Bird

BEST DOCUMENTARY

Inside Job: Charles Ferguson
Oceans: Jacques Perrin, Jacques Cluzaud
Waiting for 'Superman': Davis Guggenheim
Waking Sleeping Beauty: Don Hahn

2009: The Cove: Louie Psihoyos
2008: Religulous: Larry Charles
2007: Sicko: Michael Moore
2006: An Inconvenient Truth: Davis Guggenheim
2005: Grizzly Man: Werner Herzog

The 20 Scariest Movie Moments of All Time

2010-10-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

20. Un chien andalou (1929): Ow, My Eye!

Un chien andalou is a surrealist short film from 1929. A fantastic work of art from the minds of Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali. It starts off, however, with the disturbing image of an eyeball being sliced open. No, really.

This will sting a little bit.

Seriously. The jigsaw killer's got nothing on this guy.

19. The Silence of the Lambs (1991): "A census taker once tried to test me..."

One line guaranteed to send chills up your spine. Go ahead. Click on that link. Witness true terror.

I can has liver?

Dude... That's just... evil.

18. 28 Days Later... (2002): All By Myself, Don't Wanna Be...

Where the Hell did I park?

Imagine you wake up in a hospital and realize no one else is around. That would be seriously messed up, wouldn't it? Well, that's exactly how Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later... begins. Even more frightening? The first man he does run into.

17. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974): Kirk, Meet Hammer.

No warning. No music. None of the usual cues that something bad is gonna happen. The scene catches the audience by surprise by not setting them up for it. The real Horror is in realizing what just happened, and that realization is designed not to come until the door is slammed shut.

Just because you don't hear any creepy music doesn't mean it's okay to go in there, champ.

16. Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971): The Boat Ride from Hell

This face will haunt your dreams forever.

You know what I'm talking about. You're watching the most magical musical you could ever think of. It's literally about candy. It's a bright musical about candy. Then, all of a sudden, they take a break from all that and take you on a slow, disturbing descent into madness. The cryptic song Mr. Wonka breaks into doesn't seem to help, either.

15. Event Horizon (1997): Liberate tuteme...

This scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. I get frightened by disembodied voices in Horror flicks, but when they're coming at you in dead languages, that's when shit gets REALLY freaky and you better get out of there quick. Unless you're on a spaceship. In which case, you're screwed.

On second thought, let's not answer this distress call. This guy seems to have it under control.

14. The Blair Witch Project (1999): The Finale

It doesn't always work, but a really talented filmmaker can turn a super low budget to his/her advantage. You can only shoot on a camcorder in the middle of the forest? Make a horror flick.

No, he's not takin' a leak.

Just watch the scene. If you haven't seen the movie yet, keep in mind that this is actually the end of the movie! So no crying if I'm spoiling it for you.

13. The Innocents (1961): The Lady in the Rain

The Innocents wasn't a particularly "exciting" film. In fact, it moves at a very slow pace. However, the film uses this to its advantage. It's not designed to make you jump every five seconds, but rather, to unsettle you. To make you think about it later, when you're trying to sleep at night and have to wake up early the next morning.

When you close your eyes tonight, I want you to picture this.

You don't jump out of your seat. But you see a woman standing out in the rain where there shouldn't be a woman standing out in the rain... that shit sticks with you.

12. Poltergeist (1982): Huh. Chairs Weren't Like That a Second Ago...

Big deal. Maybe Mom's getting ready to mop the kitchen floor.

Seems innocent enough, right? Chairs stacked on top of a table. And look. There's a little girl sitting on top of the kitchen counter. She's not possessed or anything. This scene looks really tame. Done looking at the picture? Because, really... by itself, that image isn't so bad. Except... Well... Yeah, that chair-stacking thing happened, like... really, really fast. And no sound was made. And the little girl never left the counter. And there was no one else in the kitchen. So... yeah, that'd probably creep you out a little bit, too.

11. Rosemary's Baby (1968): Rosemary's Dreams

Rosemary's Baby is another one of those really, unsettling horror movies which plays on the notion that something always seems off. This is never more apparent than in Rosemary's dream sequences, which are quite surreal and strangely lucid. (WARNING: Clip is NSFW!)

When she wakes up, she's gonna be so pissed!

10. Poltergeist (1982): Oh My God! My Face!

You probably know where this is going.

Probably the most effective treatment for acne I've ever seen...

Yeah. That scene.

9. The Ring (2002): The Girl On (and Suddenly Out of the) TV

It happens in almost every movie. You think it's over, but no. The monster's gotta come back for one final scare. This is probably the scene where that concept was most effective.

Dude, these 3D TV's are freakin' amazing!

8. The Shining (1980): Furry Vengeance

Imagine your husband has just gone insane and is trying to kill both you and your son. Oh, and also you're staying in some super-haunted mansion. What would you say is the last thing you want to see?

"Don't knock it 'till you tried it!"

I don't know about you, but I find furries scary enough when they AREN'T ghosts.

7. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): "This is God."

I think it's general consensus that any Nightmare on Elm Street that wasn't the first one... sucked. However, the first one was pretty freakin' scary by anyone's standards.

This... is God. He's on the phone. Hold on a sec.

6. The Shining (1980): "Come play with us."

Nothing good can come from this.

Stanley Kubrick played with our nerves quite well with this film. You know something's a little off when you see a little boy (not a ghost) riding a tricycle down the hallways of a house. Something is REALLY messed up when he stops his tricycle in front of a pair of twin girls, who by all rights, have no business being in that house.

But really, they just wanna play. Like... forever, and stuff.

5. The Exorcist (1973): Backwards Crab Walk

Okay, so my understanding is that this scene was too frightening for the original 1973 release. But when it was re-released in 2000, we kind of realized... it was also too frightening for the 2000 release.

"Look what I can do!"

For those of you who haven't seen the film, I must warn you... this scene is intensely frightening and legitimately disturbing. Watch at the risk of your own sleep.

4. The Ring (2002): The Videotape

There are only a select few Horror films that had a lasting effect on me, during my adult life. When I first saw The Ring, I had trouble sleeping for a few nights. I can name a few scenes that kept popping in my head when I closed my eyes, but what seriously disturbed me the most was the video tape itself.

This image describes a typical Saturday night for David Lynch.

A series of very surreal, disturbing images, shot in monochrome, looking like something some devil-worshippers filmed in 1927, specifically for the purpose of sending the ghost of that little girl into your living room to kill you while seriously mutilating your face. You know, in like... a week or so. Prepare to never sleep again.

3. Paranormal Activity (2009): Dragged Out of Bed

Imagine your sleeping in bed. All of a sudden, someone grabs your leg and yanks you to the floor and drags you out of the room. You'd probably be incredibly annoyed. Now, imagine the prick who's doing that to you is invisible. Now, that would really suck, wouldn't it?

But ghost, I don't wanna go to school today!

The entire movie Paranormal Activity was one of the scariest things I've seen in years. But the scene that sticks with you, without a doubt, has to be this one.

2. The Exorcist (1973): Subliminal Terror

One of the scariest things about The Exorcist isn't even the whole screaming-little-girl-devil thing, but the face that pops up, just for a few frames... Enough for you to consciously see it, but not quite enough for you to even register it as the nondiegetic insert it really is.

Not posting the image. It's that freaky to me. But I will post a link to the video. Note: this happens multiple times throughout the film.

1. The Exorcist (1973): "It is an excellent day for an exorcism."

Without a doubt, the scariest line of dialogue ever uttered in a movie. When a creature of infinite evil is challenging you like that... that really oughtta strike fear right into your heart. Plus, the incredibly mangled voice of Mercedes McCambridge coming out of Linda Blair's mouth really adds to the horror of the scene. It was scary then, it's scary now. The Exorcist is the one movie that I cannot watch all the way through without some kind of distraction. It's that scary. And this line... is just one of the scariest.

Thanks for reading! And sweet dreams... Mwa ha ha ha ha....

Prince of Persia: The Best of a Struggling Sub-Genre

2010-09-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

To my knowledge, I believe the first video game-based movie came back in 1993 when Hollywood Pictures (a Disney studio) released Super Mario Bros. Those of us who were children in 1993 might remember just how awesome that movie was. But let's not kid ourselves. That was a terrible film. It was cheesy, poorly-written, and had pretty much nothing to do with the video game.

Ever since then, filmmakers have been trying their hand at video game adaptations. A year later, Universal would make Street Fighter, which completely confounded everything you knew about the characters and cast Jean-Claude Van Damme as the American-Flag-Tattooed-Army-General Guile. The year after that, Mortal Kombat.

Through all the video game movies that have been released in almost two decades, only one actually stood out as really good... But I don't count Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within as part of the sub-genre, as its only relation to the video game series is its title (seriously, there is NOTHING about that movie that makes it Final Fantasy). So we're left with the onslaught of terrible Uwe Boll movies (although I argue that those are AWESOMELY terrible - Ed Wood style) and Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, which actually made me yearn for Jean-Claude Van Damme (by the way, that first version of Street Fighter can also be considered awesomely terrible).

I had a theory about this. It's different than Roger Ebert's respectable but heavily misguided theory that video games are not art. The filmmakers who chose to adapt these games... didn't really adapt them. They changed shit around like crazy (the Resident Evil series most notoriously did this), but they weren't adapted to the proper medium. I believe that video games CAN be seen as an art form, but they are a much different art form than film. Video games are interactive. In order to access the artistic merit of story-based video games, you have to accomplish certain tasks first. You can't make your movie this way.

A movie should not make the audience feel like they're watching someone else play a video game. Doom, House of the Dead and even many movies that are NOT based on video games have done this. Once again, this is caused by inept filmmakers who do not realize that this is a much different medium.

Earlier this year, Disney returned to the sub-genre it sort of created, and opted NOT to hide behind one of its obscure studios while doing it. It was given Jerry Bruckheimer's backing, littered with an impressive cast, and directed by someone who has actually made good movies in the past. When I saw all that, my expectations for the film began to rise. Did someone finally get it right? Did someone finally bring respectability to this sad, pathetic garbage heap of movies?

After watching the film, I have to say that the answer is sadly, no. But I'll be damned if they're not moving in the right direction. Of all the video game movies I've seen, Prince of Persia was definitely the most exciting. Despite Jake Gyllenhaal parkour-ing around as though it were a video game, Prince of Persia played more like a 1930's serial. Keep in mind, movies that do that generally gain my favor substantially. Indiana Jones. Pirates of the Caribbean. Star Wars. Movies that evoke the out-of-the-frying-pan-into-the-fire style of filmmaking that was so popular back then. Prince of Persia really felt like that. Wasn't nearly as good, but it's a good start.

The film did plenty of wrong, however. I love Jake Gyllenhaal. I think he's a fantastic actor. But there are two problems with casting Jake Gyllenhaal as Prince Dastan:

1. Jake Gyllenhaal is not Persian. I'm aware that most of the cast was, in fact, not Persian, but Jake Gyllenhaal stuck out like a sore thumb. At least there was a sort of consistency with everyone else. Gyllenhaal tried to maintain that consistency by forcing out an English accent, but it sucked. And his concentration on keeping that ridiculous accent alive hindered his performance.

2. Jake Gyllenhaal got his start playing well for the Indie market. Donnie Darko has become a ridiculously overrated cult classic, and his performance in Brokeback Mountain even gained him an Oscar nomination. The problem is, Hollywood was way too quick to push him into the forefront by having him headline big-budget movies like Prince of Persia. That, my friends, is one of the reasons why the film didn't do so well at the Box Office.

Personally, I would have gone with Naveen Andrews. For those of you not good with names, he's the guy who played Sayid on Lost. He may not be Persian, but audiences would be more willing to accept him as Persian and his acting would have fit in much better with the rest of the cast. That may not solve the Box Office problem, but I feel it would have made for a better film.

The biggest problem, however, was the screenplay. It was maddeningly simple and had absolutely zero faith in its audience. Screenwriters today could learn from people like Christopher Nolan, who understand that audiences are not always complete idiots and you don't always have to spell it out for them. I did not like how the characters would tell me what was going to happen right before it happened. Just show me! "We must ______." "We will ______." Just shut up and do it! This is inauthentic and removes the audience (or at least it removed me) from the illusion. Audiences can figure it out. What makes this even more annoying is that this was on Disney's short list of PG-13 rated films. You're selling it to an older audience, you definitely don't need to take their hand and walk them through it. Unless BradyGames wrote your screenplay or something...

Advertisements really pushed the film's connection to Pirates of the Caribbean (aka producer Jerry Bruckheimer). Why not make it more like those movies? Why couldn't Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio have written the screenplay? Say what you will about the Pirates films, but I had much less to say about them when I was done. Shit, I didn't even complain about their running time.

In spite of its tremendous flaws, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time made a pretty solid film, and I personally would like to see a sequel to it. It was a lot of fun. It's not there yet, but it certainly sets up a sort of template that future video game movie producers should definitely take a look at: good director, good actors, relatively good budget. All someone needs to do now is add a good screenplay to the mix, and we'll be in business.

The Death and Return of M. Night Shyamalan - A Word About Horror

2010-09-19T00:58:00.000-07:00

Horror is a very peculiar genre. Studios will keep churning them out because they keep making money. Even if they don't always top the box office, they're relatively cheap to make and there is definitely an audience for it. Alexandre Aja's recent Piranha remake wasn't exactly a box office miracle - far from it, in fact. However, the film made enough of a profit to set a sequel in motion. That's the beauty of Horror. It doesn't have to make the Avatar bucks, because they don't really cost that much to make to begin with.

Because of this, Horror has become an enduring genre, in spite of the fact that few people know how to do it right. I can probably count on one hand the Horror movies that had actually scared me. How about you? And I don't mean those Horror flicks that made you jump from time to time with that cheap music effect. I mean, really scared you. Kept you up at night, wondering... what if?

About a decade ago, M. Night Shyamalan was at the top of his game. He created a film that worked not only as a Horror, but also as a Dramatic Mystery. He created characters the audience cared about. Sure, you can go on about how he caught everyone off guard with the ending - that WAS impressive, mind you. But The Sixth Sense endured because some real thought was put into it. We were only blown away by that ending because we were invested enough in the story and characters to be blown away by it.

The same thing holds true for Signs, his extra-terrestrial thriller. While it wasn't so much of a "surprise" ending as it was a well-planned, well-executed ending, it worked because we were allowed to empathize with the characters. This brings me back to what I believe is the secret ingredient to every great screenplay - great characters.

Let me take a break from M. Night Shyamalan for a moment. I recently finished reading Stephen King's It. This was my first time ever reading anything by Stephen King, and certainly will not be my last. It was a fantastic novel, to say the least. Judging by story alone, it's ridiculous. Really, it is. Drop your fear of clowns (if you have it), and think about if Hollywood had done something like that (aside from the TV adaptation of the book). It probably wouldn't have been very scary at all. Just an excuse to have some dude in clown makeup slaughter teenagers Halloween-style.

What King did was create a reason for us to give a shit. These were characters we did not want to die. These kids were so well-written, that the idea of any of them falling victim to this beast was a horrifying thought that haunted me throughout the entire book. Characters were given histories, ticks... by the end of the book, you think of them as real, flesh-and-blood people who suffered a horrible ordeal. That's why it worked. You're not going to be scared of a Horror story if you don't care what happens to the characters.

But much too often, Hollywood will make the Protagonists unbearably whiny, weak, one-dimensional morons who by all rights of Darwinism probably should fall out of the gene pool quickly. Most horror films become vehicles for the monster/ghost/serial killer to do their thing, and somehow writers figured that dehumanizing the victims is the way to go. Incidentally, this is why many Horror movies suck.

Back to M. Night Shyamalan, The Village and Lady in the Water, love-them-or-hate-them, were NOT Horror films. His true return to Horror was a little movie called The Happening. My friends, it sucked. I'm not gonna try to defend it, The Happening was a horrible, horrible film. It had all the directorial advantages of his previous films - the camera-work, the pacing... all the old tricks were there. But the characters... at their best, they were cartoons. You spend a good portion of the movie wondering what the Hell Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel are doing (because it certainly isn't acting), and why the dialogue was so incoherent and nonsensical.

Basically, you don't care about the characters. It isn't even about the trees. You know, the trees could have made for a seriously scary film. Even that premise could have been intensely frightening. In fact, if Stephen King wrote a novel with the same premise, it would have kicked ass. But the characters in The Happening were too silly and unbelievable, there was no way anything in that movie was going to be taken seriously, no matter how visually striking Shyamalan happened to make it.

Few will argue, however, that the true death to Shyamalan's career - the final nail in the coffin, came earlier this year with The Last Airbender. Nothing kills a career faster than pissing off fans of a popular franchise. Just ask Joel Schumacher. Because Airbender is NOT a Horror film, I'm not going to go into much detail (just look up my review). Suffice to say, it also sucked. I only mention it to stay true to the title of this post. The death of M. Night Shyamalan? That was The Last Airbender. Is everyone clear on that? Good. Moving on.

Not long after the career-killing fiasco was released on an unsuspecting public, a trailer premiered for a little movie called Devil. At first glance, the movie looks deliciously horrifying, and refreshingly inventive. It was not hard to get sucked into the tension of it all. Audiences were eating it up... until some "genius" in marketing had the shortsightedness to inform audiences that the film comes "from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan". Talk about a downer. Audiences were immediately released from their tension and set ablaze in a towering inferno of hate and ridicule.

I felt this was unfair. It was unfair to judge the film based on Shyamalan's previous disastrous follies. Not only did Shyamalan NOT write OR direct Devil (it was merely his story idea), but the film looked genuinely suspenseful.

Suspenseful it was. After this film released me from its tension, I could not help but think how much it reminded me of all of Shyamalan's older stuff. The projects that made him famous to begin with. The Sixth Sense. Signs. Films that had audiences hoping that the characters would come out of the situation alive. While Devil's characters weren't exactly as deep or three-dimensional as Bruce Willis or Haley Joel Osment, we are introduced to at least two characters who drive the emotional aspect of the narrative. One of them doesn't really kick in until about the end of the movie, but I couldn't help but feeling that I really didn't want this particular character to die. That helped build the tension needed to carry the film's excitement factor all the way through to the finish line.

Again, it's not perfect. But it's a move in the right direction. Devil, while neither written nor directed by Shyamalan, evokes shades of what made Shyamalan's earliest efforts such successes. I am very much looking forward to the next installment, and hoping whoever works on it understands the importance of character and the need for the audience to give a shit. Seriously, kudos to everyone involved with Devil. You may have just brought M. Night Shyamalan's career back to life.

The Epic Simpleton's Guide to Movie Theatre Etiquette

2010-07-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

I used to be under the impression that the fact babies making noise in the middle of a movie was one of the most annoying things in the world was common knowledge. This was, of course, until last night. Last night, on two separate incidents, patrons were SHOCKED, I tell you, SHOCKED that I had the sheer audacity to ask them to take their crying baby out to the lobby so as to not disturb the many, many other guests watching Predators and Salt. This leads me to believe some people just... don't... get it. I understand that the people this would be most beneficial to would object to reading, so I will alleviate their work load by sporadically posting pictures of cute kittens, like so.

Aww, look at the kitty! There. Get that out of your system? Good. Let's begin.

Section 1: The S.T.F.U. Method

Say you're sitting down in a theater watching Inception. It's opening weekend, so it's a sold-out crowd. This movie is also being hailed by critics as a "thinker's" film. So why you're watching this film, I don't know. But that's beside the point. You are surrounded by thinkers - people who wish to pay attention to the film. However, you want to shout some potentially helpful but more-often-than-not stupid advice at Leonardo DiCaprio. Whenever you get this urge, there is a simple four-step process that will help you resist such a temptation. And from reading other guides and booklets, I find that acronyms make things fun and easy to remember. So here you go.

Shut. The act of closing something. In this case, it would be your mouth
The. A commonly-used article. Indicates that the next 1-3 words will tell you what you're shutting.
Fuck. A common swear word, officially used as a synonym for "intercourse", but also used freely to accentuate any given point. This increases the urgency of you shutting your mouth substantially.
Up. The direction the sky is in. You want your lower lip to go as far in this direction as it possibly can until it reaches the upper lip. If your lower lip is not touching your upper lip, you need to elevate your lower lip until it is.

S.T.F.U. Learn it, love it, live it.

Section 2: Please Silence your Cell Phone. Actually, Render It Completely Useless.

This should be a no-brainer, but experience has shown me that nothing is a no-brainer to a person who has no brain. That half-hour pre-show tells you multiple times to refrain from talking or texting on your cell phones while the movie is on. In fact, they'll find clever and humorous ways to do it (the best one is when they had Sydney Pollack come in and direct someone's personal phone call - but I digress). Still, some jackass will forget to silence their phone. That doesn't happen quite as frequently as the guy who not only wants to text, but wants to hold his cell phone up so that the rest of the audience can see what he's texting. This is distracting, not to mention stupid.

Look, you're in a movie. If the movie is not interesting enough to keep you from wanting to look down and text your buddy about how lame the movie is, you can get up and walk outside to do it. Otherwise, you're supposed to be lost in an illusion, and that cell phone is breaking that illusion. If it helps to turn it off, do that. If it helps to leave it in the car, do that. Just know that no one else wants to see it.

Section 3: Babies, and Why No One Thinks They're Cute at the Movies

Congratulations! You're a parent. You have just created a wonderful miracle. A bundle of joy to call your own. With it, however, comes the responsibility of raising it, caring for it, and nurturing it. In order to do that, you're gonna have to make sacrifices. You can't go out as much. You can't spend as much money. And unless you can find a sitter, you can't go to the movies. Well... technically, you can. But allow me to explain.

If you're at the movies, and a baby is with you, you're doing it wrong. It's the number one unwritten rule of moviegoing: no babies. You can silence your friend, you can silence your cell phone, but good luck silencing a baby. Babies create a really annoying distraction, as they lack the intellectual capacity to carry out the S.T.F.U. Method as detailed in Section 1. If you bring a baby, you have committed the ultimate moviegoing sin, and are doomed to an eternity of Hellfire, brimstone, and endless viewings of Battlefield Earth, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, Meet the Spartans, and for good measure, your favorite movie of all time remade by M. Night Shyamalan.

This is the part where you ask, "But Chris, is there anything I can do to redeem myself after committing such an awful sin?" Well... if you MUST bring your infant to the movie (in which case you should stay home, but I digress), here are a few things you should know:

As a parent, you learn to phase out your kids when they're making noise. It's natural. But the rest of the audience does not have this ability. Don't pretend you don't hear your baby making noise. Stand up, and take your baby outside until it calms down.

"But I'll miss the movie." That's the price you pay for bringing a damn baby to the movies. If you have a baby, be prepared to either miss 90% of the movie, or be seen by the rest of the audience as an inconsiderate asshole. That's just the way things are.

Everybody poops. Babies just happen to do it in diapers. DO NOT change your child in the middle of the auditorium. I don't know if you noticed or not, but poop carries an odor. Do not attempt to discretely change your child and drop the diaper on the floor. It won't work. People WILL notice. Restrooms are equipped with changing stations. Stand up, take your baby to the restroom, and carry out your business there.
To feed the baby is one thing. But to burp them in the middle of the movie right behind me during a very pivotal scene from Up in the Air is totally NOT okay. In fact, taking your baby to any movie LIKE Up in the Air constitutes an automatic fail and there will be no redemption for it.

Section 4: It's a Movie, Not a Ball Game (Even if It Is a Movie About a Ball Game)

Edward Cullen and Jacob Black are never, ever going to sleep with you. They don't even exist - they're fictional characters. Furthermore, they cannot hear you scream. Even as a sign of respect to actors Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, they cannot hear you scream. You're watching footage that was filmed prior to your viewing. It is not an open window. Pattinson's not gonna break fourth wall and shoot you a wink and a smile just because you screamed the loudest. Okay? We good?

Event movies are awesome. The midnight crowd for Toy Story 3 was all kinds of pumped. Especially since the Lakers just won, and Mexico just won... hey, let's cheer for our teams at a midnight showing of an animated film that has nothing to do with sports! Or actually... don't. Please. And you don't need to applaud everything in the movie. In X-Men: The Last Stand, audiences applauded when Juggernaut shouted his infamous "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" Really. They applauded that. Really.

Also, pick up after yourselves. If you spilled popcorn, you don't have to pick it all up one-by-one, but you don't have to be a complete slob, either. You can carry out some of the things you brought in. It's really not that hard. And for those of you who like to sneak in your own stuff, there's a reason they don't serve sunflower seeds at the concession stands. If you can't figure out why, spit some sunflower seeds onto your OWN floor and then try to sweep it up. Also, it's distracting to those sitting around you.

Summary

S.T.F.U., shut off your cell phones, leave your babies at home, clean up after yourselves, and S.T.F.U. Now that we've covered all bases, you're ready for a night out at the movies (unless you have a baby, in which you hopefully decided to stay home and pop in your Shrek DVD). Be mindful, be considerate. That's really what this was all about. Enjoy!

The (Hopefully) Last Airbender. Also: An Art House Extravaganza

2010-07-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

Now Playing:

THE LAST AIRBENDER

Dir. by M. Night Shyamalan

Featuring Ped Xing Award Nominee Dev Patel (Slumdog Millionaire)

Cinematography by Ped Xing Award Nominee Andrew Lesnie (The Lovely Bones)

Scored by Ped Xing Award Nominee James Newton Howard (Batman Begins, King Kong, The Dark Knight)

3/10

Unlike many other people who watched this film, I did not walk out of it wishing any ills towards M. Night Shyamalan. I did not despise the man. I did not hate him. I've certainly seen worse than this. I should also point out that I've never watched the cartoon on which the movie is based, and if I had, I probably would hate him. Because if the cartoon is anywhere near as brilliant as I've been told it is, then Shyamalan failed miserably at capturing that brilliance.

You'd think that as a film geek, an aspiring filmmaker, I'd ask a whole lot from my movies. I really don't. I just want to escape. I want to believe for 90-120 minutes or so that what is on screen is actually happening. If a filmmaker can maintain that illusion for me, then that film will gain my seal of approval. That illusion requires a believable screenplay, relatable characters, good actors, good cinematography and reasonable editing. I can handle editing that kind of breaks the illusion on purpose (you know, Godard-style), but if there's no discipline behind the editing then I will call you on it.

That being said, I was not lost in the hundred-minute illusion I had hoped for. On the contrary, the illusion was constantly broken for me. Oddly enough, this was NOT because of the visual effects. Anyone who bashes this movie's visual effects are being needlessly cruel. Even if the movie is bad, you have to give credit to those who did their jobs right. I felt ILM were pretty much the only people (as well as Andrew Lesnie and James Newton Howard) who seemed to care about what they were doing. Everyone else seemed to be phoning it in.

This movie had to have the worst casting I've seen this side of Batman and Robin. I'm usually pretty lenient with child actors. For instance, I thought Jaden Smith - while not even close to perfect, held his own pretty well in The Karate Kid. This Noah Ringer kid, skilled as he may be at martial arts, simply cannot act. I cannot help but think that this movie would have improved substantially if the character Aang never opened his mouth, because I could never suspend disbelief long enough to believe that character. I honestly preferred Jake Lloyd's performance in The Phantom Menace. Yeah. Ouch. Do I believe him to be hopeless? Not at all. Noah needs to learn to control his mannerisms and his delivery. It will take a lot of work, but it's not impossible.

I want to slap whoever thought it was a good idea to cast Aasif Mandvi as the bad guy. For those who don't know, Aasif Mandvi is a Daily Show correspondent. He's a comedian. Part of what makes his brand of humor work is the way his voice sounds. To be clear, what he's saying does not necessarily need to be funny in order to draw laughs. If his jokes fall a little flat, his voice does the rest. You get the picture? As far as I could tell, Zhao was NOT a comedic bad guy. If he was in the cartoon, that did not come across in the movie. Still, I laughed almost every time he spoke. Because even when he was saying or doing something totally messed up... dude, that's Aasif Mandvi. Would you cast Bill Cosby as the voice of Darth Vader? Don't think so. Didn't work.

Dev Patel was probably the best actor in the cast, and even he chewed the scenery quite a bit. I was highly disappointed because if I had high hopes about anyone in this film, even after reading all those reviews, it was Dev Patel. He gave an amazing, under-appreciated performance in Slumdog Millionaire. He wasn't quite as subtle here - I think he was trying too hard to save it.

Now, to the big-time perpetrator. The guy who gets all the blame because his name is plastered all over this project. Mr. M. Night Shyamalan. You know it's bad when people get so angry with a filmmaker, they refuse to acknowledge all the good things he contributed to cinema. Not that they forget, they refuse to acknowledge. The Sixth Sense, Signs, overrated. I'm not saying that, but a lot of people do - particularly after watching The Last Airbender. Or The Happening, but that's another story entirely.

On a bright note, I would like to say that The Last Airbender WAS better than The Happening. However, that's kind of like saying something is better than Herpes. I don't know if "selling out" is the right phrase. Or maybe it is. Because when it came to Airbender, it seems to me like Shyamalan stopped caring. I don't know if this could be blamed on the critical reception of The Village (which I thought was underrated), and how deep they dug into his passion project Lady in the Water (which was kind of dumb, but I digress), or maybe he just let his success get to his head. A lot of time was spent on making The Last Airbender LOOK good, but it doesn't look like any time was spent on actually making a good movie.

The screenplay was frustratingly one-dimensional. I didn't have any trouble discerning the good guys from the bad guys, but the truth is I didn't care. I didn't care if Aang succeeded or not. Why should I care? I can't empathize with him. His character is not deep enough for me to experience what he's going through vicariously. So why should I care? I know it's all fake anyway. That's part of the problem. Aside from the acting, the dialogue also destroys the illusion. Either it's being awkwardly delivered, or it's just too damn full-of-itself. I couldn't get into it.

The way I see it, if Joel Schumacher can come back from Batman and Robin, I think it's entirely possible for M. Night Shyamalan to come back from this. His stubborn refusal to return to the drawing board will be his downfall. But if he can take a step back and look at the big picture... if he can start putting in the effort it took to make The Sixth Sense and Signs the suspenseful masterpieces that at one time had people calling him the next Hitchcock, he can come back from this. But he's gonna have to swallow his pride and abandon whatever he's been doing to make The Happening and Airbender suck so bad.

This Tuesday on Blu-Ray/DVD:

A SINGLE MAN

Dir. by Tom Ford

PED XING AWARD NOMINEE: Best Actor in a Leading Role (Colin Firth)

9/10

A very well-made film, especially considering that Tom Ford is a fashion designer, and not a filmmaker. The movie looked fantastic, and Colin Firth gave a subtly brilliant performance. Very artistic, very different. I loved it.

BROOKLYN'S FINEST

Dir. by Antoine Fuqua

Starring Ped Xing Award Nominee Don Cheadle (Hotel Rwanda)

5/10

A botched attempt to make Crash for the East Coast. It utilizes a bunch of police stories that have been done before, and much better in different movies. Every actor seemed to be phoning it in with the exception of Richard Gere. I had trouble getting into it. It was unoriginal and boring. I'm beginning to think Training Day may have been a one-hit wonder for Fuqua. Prove me wrong, Fuqua. Please.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

Dir. by Niels Arden Oplev

PED XING AWARD WINNER: Best Foreign Language Film

9/10

This was an amazing thriller with a wonderful performance by Noomi Rapace. I cannot recommend this movie enough. Rent it, buy it... do whatever it takes to see it. It is so awesome. And I look forward to Fincher's remake, because this movie is right up his alley.

Also on Blu-Ray/DVD This Week:

Jason and the Argonauts (1963, Don Chaffey)

The 3D Solution to a 1D Problem.

2010-05-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I praised and swooned over the possibilities of 3D, and how it is the future of filmmaking, and how it will save theatrical exhibition... etc., etc.

At the time, I had just finished watching Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D. Disney had obviously gone through great lengths making those two movies look good in 3D, and they succeeded. Keep in mind, Avatar hadn't even been released yet, and that movie took that technology to a whole new level. But I gloated all the same about re-releasing a bunch of classic films in 3D, because they would look awesome.

Then this happened.

Clash of the Titans. A remake of an early 80's B-Movie. Shot in 2D. Edited in 2D. Then, they decided to push back the release date a couple weeks so they can make the movie in 3D. How did it look?

Like crap. The 3D visuals were very faulty. Crowds of people weaved into the scene like waves of the ocean. The colors were toned down, and much less vibrant. Worst of all, the downgrading of any visual prowess that movie possessed (of which it had little) shone a big fat spotlight on its one-dimensional script. I did not care about any of the characters. I was underwhelmed by all of the action sequences. I was completely disgusted by their CG rendering of Medusa (see: the Scorpion King effect from The Mummy Returns). A friend of mine who had previously seen the film in 2D, enjoyed the movie much less in 3D. I was completely underwhelmed.

DreamWorks Animation jumped into the game with How to Train Your Dragon, which not only looked good in 3D, but was an awesome movie. In fact, I'm gonna go out on a limb and call it their best. But two months later... Shrek Forever After.

I must first thank the writers, or the producers, or whoever it was who decided against calling it "Shrek Goes Fourth" or using a "4" to help them spell the word "Forever". But other than that... keep in mind that Shrek the Third opened to a cold reception from critics and audiences alike. Sure, it had the first weekend grosses, but without the heart of the first two, it gained such a degree of infamy that it actually took away a good chunk of the credibility the first two films had.

It did not help that the trailers for the film made it look like there was absolutely no effort put into the screenwriting process. They came up with this alternate reality story that requires no continuity with the first three films. Except that it did, oddly enough. But I digress. The trailer had dollar signs all over it, especially with the 3D and IMAX 3D gimmick they slapped on it.

In comparison with the other three films, it flopped. As of now, it is the lowest-grossing film of the series. Now, executives want to blame the 3D. It wasn't the 3D. Actually, it was. But not the way you think.

The problem that studios have these days is using 3D as a sales gimmick. Releasing films in 3D that do not warrant the 3D treatment is only going to hurt that technology in the long run. Last year, I watched Up in 3D. Paid for the 3D ticket. I am still angry that I did that. Because I hardly noticed. I'm not sorry that I watched the film, mind you. Up was an incredible film, as you would expect from Pixar. But the 3D did very little to enhance it, and it certainly wasn't worth the added bucks to the price of admission.

On the other hand, Avatar was not only worth seeing in IMAX 3D, some would argue that IMAX 3D was the ONLY way to see it. But then again, it was filmed for 3D. Technology had to be invented to make Avatar look as awesome as it did. Technologically speaking, it is a cinematic milestone (the same, unfortunately, cannot be said about its story structure - but that's a different discussion entirely).

Funny enough, though, Up played just fine without the 3D and continues to do so. Studio executives need to learn that it's not about what visual enhancements you give the movie (unless they're groundbreaking), but how good the movie is. It was a lesson Hollywood learned back in the late 60's, when Easy Rider started kicking ass at the box office - then somehow forgot.

My concern is that so many movies are being released in 3D these days. In fact, as a general rule - if it's animated, it's in 3D. I saw a trailer for some crappy-looking Lionsgate animated film (yes, Lionsgate), and even THAT was in 3D. The novelty is wearing off. The theatrical exhibition industry needs to step up its game if it wants to compete with Blu-Ray, that is true. But releasing every motion picture imaginable in 3D is simply asinine. Shrek Forever After did not need to be made in 3D. Some may argue it simply did not need to BE, period.

I need to revise my naively enthusiastic original take on 3D, because studios are getting the wrong message. 3D is awesome when done right. 3D is awesome when it's a movie that can really push and utilize that technology. But 3D needs to be made to suit the movie, not the other way around. First and foremost, audiences just want to see a good movie. 3D or 2D, it doesn't matter as long as it's good. 3D is a visual enhancement, not the whole damn show. Same goes for IMAX. If you did not shoot the film in 70mm IMAX format, it does not need to be presented in IMAX. 3D or 2D, IMAX or regular... just focus on the movie. The only thing that really needs to be 3D is the script.

Upcoming Projects...

2010-03-25T01:26:00.000-07:00

It may appear as though "Project Analysis Gold" fell by the wayside, but it totally hasn't. I kinda want to start over. For one thing, my previous analyses weren't very good. Another thing is that I upgraded my TV, so movies generally look better on it. So I'm gonna get started on Project Analysis Gold: Take 2. Very soon.

At the same time, I'm also starting a little something called "Project Discovery". I need to catch up on my Godard, Fellini, Antonioni, Kurosawa, Scorsese, Hitchcock, and so on, and so forth. So that's what that's for.

Now, for a non-blog-feature project, I'm currently brainstorming a new thriller called Wide Awake. I intend to do some crazy things with it... like an exploration of the human psyche or something. Hopefully I'm not taking on something too big for my budget/experience, but I really look forward to working on it. At least, it would be a very good writing exercise for me. Like The Pedestrian, which for those of you who don't already know, will never, ever get made.

The Top 25 Movies of the Last Decade

2010-03-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

25. The Passion of the Christ (2004, Mel Gibson)

Mel Gibson's controversial religious epic set off a major debate in Hollywood. Mel Gibson learned an important lesson in the subjectivity of the viewer, who will see things in a film that the director did not intend to imply. The way I feel about this film goes beyond my religious beliefs (which, those who know me know that I'm really not that religious at all), but as a piece of filmmaking. I was intrigued by the film's use of Aramaic to tell the story. The performances, to me, packed quite a punch. That, plus strong direction from Mel Gibson alone made this a very good film, but all of that was accentuated by three things: Caleb Deschanel's cinematography, John Debney's score, and Maia Morgenstern's performance. Those three things made the movie for me. It will be difficult to look at all the films within the past decade and not think of The Passion of the Christ. I believe it will hold historical significance.

24. The Last Samurai (2003, Edward Zwick)

I'm not gonna lie. The first time I saw the trailer for this film, I thought it looked stupid. Tom Cruise as samurai? Ludicrous. I gave it a shot, though. Because Edward Zwick, director of Glory, was behind it. Count me in as surprised. The validity of Tom Cruise's performance can be debated elsewhere (I thought he did fine), but the beauty of this film is undeniable. The cinematography was exquisite, and this is also one of my all-time favorite movie scores. The story, while lacking in historical accuracy, did a good job justifying the ridiculous notion that Tom Cruise was a samurai. Ken Watanabe and Koyuki both give very strong supporting performances.

23. United 93 (2006, Paul Greengrass)

In 2006, I got very worried about the two 9/11-based films that were scheduled to be released. With not even five years having passed since the incident, filmmakers had to walk a very thin line. While Oliver Stone deserves major kudos for not turning his film into a political tirade, Paul Greengrass seemed to have a much more genuine take on it. It would be difficult to watch a movie like this without being moved by it. Paul Greengrass walked that line with finesse, recounting the events in real-time, using unknown actors so as to not upstage the seriousness of what happened. Proceeds of the film went to the families of the victims, and I thought that was beautiful. Greengrass avoided the politics and told a story of heroism that Americans can rally behind.

22. Collateral (2004, Michael Mann)

Having grown up in the Los Angeles area, I was ecstatic to see a film that utilized it as not only a major set piece, but almost as if it were another character in the film. Crash would go on to repeat this a year later, but in all honesty, I have never seen Los Angeles look more awesome in a movie than it did in Collateral. Michael Mann made a really cool, almost-noir thriller that immediately made Jamie Foxx recognizable as a legitimate actor. Tom Cruise also gave one of his career best performances in a rare villainous role.

21. Chicago (2002, Rob Marshall)

In 2001, Baz Luhrmann successfully brought the Musical genre back to the forefront, when he made Moulin Rouge! What Rob Marshall did was create an all-new safety net for the genre and lock it in securely. Because of these two films, the Musical experienced a revival that lasted a decade and continues to go strong. Taking what Bob Fosse did with Cabaret and pushing it as far as it would go, Rob Marhsall made one of the most visually interesting musicals of all time, that married the fantasy of the musical number with the reality of everything else. A match made in heaven, as far as I could tell.

20. Up (2009, Pete Docter)

No doubt, Pixar owns the Animation front. It's theirs. Dreamworks tries very hard, other studios will dabble in it, but Pixar are the be-all end-all kings of Animation. Period. They have a gifted team of writers who go out of their way to bring us the most wonderful, imaginative films possible. Remarkable for being only the second animated film to receive an Academy Award nomination for Best Picture, Up was very heartwarming, with what is quite possibly the biggest tear-jerking opener I've ever seen in an animated film. The nostalgia of Up brings back memories of Around the World in Eighty Days, with its spirit of adventure and fantasy.

19. Sin City (2005, Robert Rodriguez; Frank Miller; Special Guest Director Quentin Tarantino)

Frank Miller is a graphic novel genius, and that genius was translated beautifully to the screen. While 300 and Watchmen attempted to repeat this film's success, Sin City was the first and best of the bunch. Robert Rodriguez utilized very interesting visual techniques to basically put the page of the comic book on the screen in full motion. With the help of Quentin Tarantino and Frank Miller himself, Robert Rodriguez put together a film that one film critic called "Film-Noir on steroids", which is just as awesome as it sounds.

18. Avatar (2009, James Cameron)

Twelve years after his previous film, James Cameron finally let the world see what he has been working on for so long. The story has often been compared to films like Dances with Wolves, Ferngully and Pocahontas, which brought up all kinds of complications with the films originality with regards to the story. Behind that, though, Cameron created a new world, new species, and new languages. He also managed to make the most visually beautiful movie ever created to date. Avatar is also notable for breaking new technological ground and opening doors to a new frontier in filmmaking. Not to mention it is now the highest grossing movie of all time, without adjusting for inflation. There was a small outcry when Avatar failed to win the Oscar, but with a little more work on the story, it could have gone much farther than it did. But for what it is, it's definitely one of the most awesome film experiences of the decade.

17. Big Fish (2003, Tim Burton)

This is definitely one of the least Tim Burton-y of all of Tim Burton's films. While it does incorporate his interesting visual style in a few scenes, Big Fish played more like a pre-motion-capture era Robert Zemeckis film. Interestingly enough, Big Fish also happened to be one of Tim Burton's most honest, heartfelt endeavors and definitely enjoys its place next to Edward Scissorhands and Ed Wood as Tim Burton's best.

16. The Incredibles (2004, Brad Bird)

Pixar once again knocks it out of the park with its take on the superhero. The Incredibles evokes the spirit of serials not seen since the Indiana Jones trilogy. Brad Bird, who had previously written for The Simpsons, wrote one of the smartest, funniest screenplays ever. The Incredibles takes the idea of the nuclear family, and turns them into superheroes. That works perfectly. I'm still waiting for the sequel.

15. The Departed (2006, Martin Scorsese)

The world breathed a collective sigh of relief when Spielberg, Lucas and Coppola read out Scorsese's name at the Oscars. There was a certain justice to Scorsese's victory that year. Finally, right? The Departed is arguably Scorsese's best work since Goodfellas, and one of the best Hollywood remakes of all time. I actually prefer it over Infernal Affairs.

14. Children of Men (2006, Alfonso Cuaron)

A dark, depressing look at the future. Alfonso Cuaron and his team of screenwriters put together a very complex story that brings hope to a seemingly hopeless world. Emmanuel Lubezki's cinematography was a thing to behold.

13. Amelie (2001, Jean-Pierre Jeunet)

The film with that... je no se qua. Amelie is a very simple film, no doubt about that. But it is such a joy to watch. Whenever you hear a movie referred to as "delightful", well... Amelie is the most delightful movie ever made. Audrey Tautou is impossible not to love in this. Also, I feel it is the ultimate date movie. If you want the right movie to cuddle up with, I assure you this one's it.

12. The Hurt Locker (2009, Kathryn Bigelow)

The Iraq War is the kiss of death with regards to subject matter. They always fail at the Box Office. It's too current. Even The Hurt Locker, which won several Oscars including Best Picture, was the lowest-grossing movie of all time to do so. On the other hand, it is also the best-reviewed Iraq War movie ever made. Kathryn Bigelow tried something new with the subject, and that was holding the politics. Instead of telling the story of how we shouldn't be there or why going in was a mistake (No End in Sight tells that story quite well), she tells the story of a soldier. Instead of a political statement, we got a human drama. And that's what makes movies work. Jeremy Renner pulled it off quite well, selling his character's addiction to war.

11. Memento (2001, Christopher Nolan)

The Nolan brothers did something very interesting with this story: they told it in reverse. They had the brilliant idea of taking the twist and dropping it at the beginning of the story, then taking the beginning of the story and making it the ending. The protagonist's short term memory loss serves as the perfect reason for this, because the outcome of the story tells us nothing. It is the beginning where the audience is let in on what's going on. But again, the beginning is reserved for the end of the movie. Those of you who've seen it know what I'm talking about.

10. Moulin Rouge! (2001, Baz Luhrmann)

The Musical genre lay dormant for almost two decades, thanks in part to a couple of really bad ones in the 80's. Sure, Disney was still making Musicals out of their animated films, and then there would be the occasional Evita, but for the most part the genre was all but dead. Until Baz Luhrmann made his. Moulin Rouge was not based on a Broadway Musical. It was written directly for the screen, and for the most part used music that had been already written - albeit re-arranged for a Musical setting. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman exhibit powerful singing voices as well as amazing chemistry. The visual design of the film is flawless. Vibrant colors make this a thing of beauty. The new arrangements are awesome, and the story is timeless.

9. There Will Be Blood (2007, Paul Thomas Anderson)

Static camera. Monotonous saturation. A haunting score. Powerhouse performances. These are only a few things that make There Will Be Blood the awesome movie that it is. Daniel Day-Lewis gave such an incredible performance, there would be no contest. His character's downward spiral into madness made one of the most intriguing films I've ever seen. It also has one of my all-time favorite movie lines: "I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!"

8. WALL-E (2008, Andrew Stanton)

At this point, it is apparent that Pixar is now showing off. They did not simply make a "kid's film" (although to be fair, when do they ever?), but they made a film for adults that was safe for kids. There is very little dialogue in this picture. Most of the characters speak to each other by way of sound effect. And for a character whose vocabulary is limited to "WALL-E", "EVE-AH", and a bunch of beeps and sighs, WALL-E has become one of the most lovable film characters of all time. Pixar did a brilliant job humanizing that robot while keeping him a robot. It was amazing.

7. Almost Famous (2000, Cameron Crowe)

A love letter to music, a criticism on music journalism, or an in-depth look at the lives of a band on tour? All of the above? None of the above? Who cares? In 2000, Cameron Crowe released his ultimate masterpiece. It was an irresistable mix of humor and drama told from the perspective of a very sheltered teen who loves rock music. Kate Hudson gave her best performance in this film, and Frances McDormand was very funny. The fictional band "Stillwater" provided great insight into the world of Rock Music, Phillip Seymour Hoffman gave us the gist of music journalism, and the tensions between the two were high. The mediator? Patrick Fugit, who plays the naive teenager who tours with the band.

6. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000, Ang Lee)

It may not have invented "wire-fu", but it did bring it to the forefront. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was a masterpiece of martial arts cinema. It put the "art" in martial arts. The story was told exceptionally well. It is a wondrous fantasy, a beautiful romance, and a hero's journey all rolled into one ass-kicking blanket.

5. Finding Nemo (2003, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich)

A relatively simple story, but the sheer power of it was unbelievable. When you think about the genius of Pixar, Finding Nemo is usually the first film that comes to mind. At least it does for me. The characters are all fun and memorable - from Marlon, to Dory, to the fish in the tank, to the sharks, to the sea turtles. Every character was freakin' awesome. This had the most memorable dialogue of any Pixar film (well, except for maybe Toy Story), and was one of the most entertaining movies not only of the decade, but of all time.

4. Brokeback Mountain (2005, Ang Lee)

Quite possibly the most important non-documentary film to be released in the last decade, Brokeback Mountain broke down stereotypes. It was a very honest, no-nonsense look at a same-sex relationship. It explores the social views on such relationships, and the false lifestyles they were forced to live in because of that. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were incredible, and Michelle Williams was amazing. The cinematography was breathtaking. Great music by Gustavo Santaolalla. It may have caused all kinds of controversy, but most calls for social change do. Interestingly enough, this is by the same guy who directed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

3. Batman Begins (2005, Christopher Nolan)

The Dark Knight (2008, Christopher Nolan)

In 1997, Joel Schumacher took Tim Burton's vision of Batman and killed it. Then proceeded to drag it through the mud. The series was over. They would never be able to bring it back after that. So how does one get around such a fiasco? Start over. Christopher Nolan rebooted Batman. And what he did was nothing short of amazing. He didn't make a "comic book" film. He made a fucking MOVIE. He made a psychological thriller and an exploration of fear. He created a realistic character with actual human flaws. You get a glimpse of where he gets such wonderful toys. When Batman Begins was released, it took the whole world by storm. No one expected it to be that damn good. It was one of the most brilliant pieces of filmmaking anyone had ever seen. It was so good, Tim Burton's Batman was downgraded from "dark, expressionistic masterpiece" to "camp classic" in the eyes of fans everywhere.

And that was just Nolan's first take on the series. The Dark Knight was so good, it made Batman Begins fall off the radar completely. Some comic book fans ended up hating Burton's films altogether (I was NOT one of them, by the way). It became the Citizen Kane of comic book films. It was so good, that there was a major shitstorm when the Academy failed to nominate it for Best Picture. The backlash was so bad, the Academy increased the size of available nominees to TEN, in order to fit unbelievably awesome movies, while still getting away with nominating mediocre snorefests like The Reader. Heath Ledger was absolutely terrifying as the Joker. Simply put, The Dark Knight is one of the most awesome things to ever appear on any screen anywhere.

2. Adaptation. (2002, Spike Jonze)

I should start out by saying that Charlie Kaufman is the greatest fucking screenwriter alive. I'll say that again, Charlie Kaufman is the greatest fucking screenwriter alive. And apparently, so is his fictional twin brother, Donald - the only fictional character to ever score an Academy Award nomination. If you're a writer, Adaptation is one of the greatest movies in the history of ever. So you can tell why I love it so much. Charlie Kaufman was supposed to adapt a novel called The Orchid Thief, by Susan Orlean. Problem with that, is that the book has no story. So Kaufman writes himself into the film as its protagonist... who writes himself into the film that he's writing. The movie is so blissfully self-aware, and as a writer watching it... I gotta say, it's Heaven. Nicolas Cage gives what is, in my opinion, his best performance. I love this movie so much.

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001, Peter Jackson)

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002, Peter Jackson)

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003, Peter Jackson)

The best film of the decade was, in fact, three films. The Lord of the Rings trilogy was once seen as unfilmable, until technology proved that otherwise. Peter Jackson, previously known for his grotesque shock horror films, was an unlikely choice to direct The Lord of the Rings, to say the least. But I'm not alone in being glad that he did. The books were done incredible justice, and translated beautifully onto the screen. Avatar may be the best-looking film to date, but The Lord of the Rings paved that road first. Howard Shore provided some of the most memorable musical accompaniment ever. The battle sequences were, well... epic. The visual effects still hold as amazing to this day. The acting was phenomenal on all counts. The Lord of the Rings is a cinematic milestone. An instant classic that will be remembered for the ages. In my opinion, the best damn thing to come out of the last decade.

The Sixth Annual Ped Xing Awards

2010-03-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

NOTE: The images and videos are actually being cut off by the blog margins. To see them in their entirety, just click on them.

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Clive Owen - Closer. Clive Owen - Sin City. Eddie Murphy - Dreamgirls. Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men. - Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight.

BEST MAKEUP

Second winner of this award after The Curious Case of Benjamin Button...

The Road - Mandi Crane; Deborah Patino; Sherri Simmons

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

Second winner of this award after The Fall...

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - Monique Prudhomme

BEST DOCUMENTARY

Grizzly Man. An Inconvenient Truth. Sicko. Religulous.

The Cove - Louie Psihoyos

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY - FIGHT

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. 300. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Ninja Assassin

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

"Remember", from Troy. "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp", from Hustle & Flow. "You Know My Name", from Casino Royale. "Falling Slowly", from Once. "The Wrestler", from The Wrestler.

"Cinema Italiano", from Nine

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. King Kong. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Transformers. Iron Man.

Avatar

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow - Eric Adkins. Memoirs of a Geisha - Dion Beebe. Children of Men - Emmanuel Lubezki. There Will Be Blood - Robert Elswit. Australia - Mandy Walker.

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Maia Morgenstern for The Passion of the Christ. Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener. Jennifer Hudson for Dreamgirls. Cate Blanchett for I'm Not There. Penelope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY - DANCE

Dreamgirls. Hairspray. High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

Nine.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
The Incredibles. Howl's Moving Castle. Happy Feet. Ratatouille. WALL-E.

Up - Pete Docter

BEST SOUND

After WALL-E, the second winner for sound is...

The Hurt Locker.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
The Passion of the Christ. Oldboy. Letters from Iwo Jima. Lust, Caution. Let the Right One In.

Ponyo - Hayao Miyazaki

BEST ART DIRECTION.

Apocalypto. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. The Fall.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

John Debney for The Passion of the Christ. Gustavo Santaolalla for Brokeback Mountain. Javier Navarette for Pan's Labyrinth. Jonny Greenwood for There Will Be Blood. Thomas Newman for WALL-E.

James Horner for Avatar.

BEST FILM EDITING
Last year, Chris Dickens won it for Slumdog Millionaire. This year...

Chris Innis and Bob Murawski for The Hurt Locker.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Patrick Marber for Closer. David S. Goyer and Christopher Nolan for Batman Begins. David Arata, Alfonso Cuaron, Mark Fergus, Hawk Otsby and Timothy J. Sexton for Children of Men. Paul Thomas Anderson for There Will Be Blood. Christopher Nolan and Jonathan Nolan for The Dark Knight.

"How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks."

Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air.

BEST ENSEMBLE CAST
Sideways. Sin City. A Prairie Home Companion. Scrapped for a couple years, and then brought back to honor...

The Hurt Locker - Ralph Fiennes, Brian Geraghty, Evangeline Lilly, Anthony Mackie, David Morse, Guy Pearce, and Jeremy Renner.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Pierre Bismuth, Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Paul Haggis and Robert Moresco for Crash. Michael Arndt for Little Miss Sunshine. Diablo Cody for Juno. Andrew Stanton for WALL-E.

"This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story."

Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber for (500) Days of Summer.

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
James Caviezel for The Passion of the Christ. Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line. Sacha Baron Cohen for Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood. Sean Penn for Milk. Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler.

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Hilary Swank for Million Dollar Baby. Felicity Huffman for Transamerica. Helen Mirren for The Queen. Marion Cotillard for La Vie En Rose. Kate Winslet for Revolutionary Road.

BEST DIRECTOR

Mel Gibson for The Passion of the Christ. Steven Spielberg for Munich. Martin Scorsese for The Departed. Ethan Coen and Joel Coen for No Country for Old Men. Christopher Nolan for The Dark Knight.

BEST PICTURE

1) 2004... the very first year I did this, I decided that The Passion of the Christ would define that year for me. My religious beliefs have since changed, but my opinion of said film has not.

2) 2005... Brokeback Mountain told a simple and honest story that touched hearts, trampled stereotypes and enlightened audiences.

3) 2006... A dark, pessimistic view of the future contains a journey of hope that shows us the lightest and darkest shades of human nature. That film was Children of Men.

4) 2007... Daniel Day-Lewis used a milkshake as a metaphor for oil, just before making good on the title's promise, There Will Be Blood.

5) 2008... An incredibly gifted filmmaker made everyone take seriously, artistically speaking, a film based on a comic book. The Dark Knight.

6) 2009.

AMPAS FAIL: The Biggest WTF Moments in Oscar History

2010-02-15T16:02:00.000-08:00

It's happened many times before. You sit down with your friends, watching what is essentially the Super Bowl of movies. You make your predictions, you think you know where it's going, and then BOOM. The one movie that didn't deserve to be nominated... freakin' wins. Over your favorite movie of all time. Over the one that made the most sense to give it to.

It's impossible to predict where the Academy is going. We give them all kinds of credibility. I still do, and I've been pissed off with their decisions many times. Here are a few WTF moments that stick out:

The Golden Compass wins Best Visual Effects.

I need to point out that I HATED The Golden Compass. It was the story of Star Wars set in a world not unlike Middle Earth. Director Chris Weitz blamed his producers for chopping it up. So maybe it was supposed to be an introspective masterpiece, but the final product was an awkward mash-up of stuff that has been done before. And I could forgive that, if the movie would at least look good. But it didn't. It looked like they set actors in front of a green screen. I understand that's how visual effects are done, but it's... so obvious.

But if it won, that must mean it had no competition, right?

Right. Photorealistic robots, or obviously-digital animals? Okay, so Transformers received lukewarm reviews from critics. But it was a fan favorite. And I should point out, it got better reviews than The Golden Compass anyway. So you can't use the "quality-of-movie" excuse, because The Golden Compass was pretentious without having much to gloat about, whereas Transformers had no delusions on what it was supposed to be. The visuals were simply state-of-the-art in Transformers. On the other hand, The Golden Compass utilized technology that was available in 2001. Poorly, I might add, because that technology is still pretty damn awesome when done right. See: The Lord of the Rings.

There's no denying it. That was a terrible decision.

How Green Was My Valley wins Best Picture.

Never heard of it, you say? Exactly.

You need me to elaborate?

This is one of those mistakes that probably didn't get picked on until years and years after the fact. It's not like one of those mistakes where you can immediately tell someone fucked up, but one of those where you wish they knew then what we know now.

You've probably never heard of How Green Was My Valley (unless you're old, or are a geek like me). But you HAVE heard of Citizen Kane. It doesn't matter if you've seen it or not. You've heard of it. If you watch The Simpsons, you've heard of Citizen Kane (although I should point out, funny as the joke was, there actually WAS a cane in Citizen Kane). It's hard not to have heard of it. The American Film Institute named it the greatest movie of all time. While that's up for debate, the fact remains that Citizen Kane was a cinematic milestone.

In the Academy's defense, however, people didn't know back in 1941 how special of a movie they had. That's because of William Randolph Hearst. Citizen Kane was unofficially based on the life of Hearst... while Hearst was still alive. Hearst was a powerful newspaper mogul, and he pretty much gave Citizen Kane zero publicity. So it fell by the wayside and flopped.

But still, knowing what we know now, we can't help but look back, and say... "What?"

Annie Hall wins Best Picture.

I love Woody Allen as much as the next guy. A movie like Annie Hall is the kind of movie that wins the Oscar for Best Screenplay, and nobody will complain, because it's the kind of quirky, intelligent comedy that will always automatically win that Oscar no matter what. But those movies NEVER win Best Picture. Because while they're fresh, clever, and always a joy to watch, they're always less awesome than the ACTUAL Best Picture.

Now, look at the last few years. We've had quirky masterpieces like Juno, Little Miss Sunshine, and Sideways. We all loved those movies, right? They were clever. Quirky. Fun. They all won Best Screenplay. And we were all happy about that. Now, picture how you would feel if Juno won over No Country for Old Men. If Little Miss Sunshine won over The Departed. Or Sideways over Million Dollar Baby. That wouldn't be so cool, would it? You'd probably kick your TV right in if Scorsese lost another Oscar to the quirky pseudo-indie comedy, right?

Well, that's exactly what happened in 1977. Why does that sound familiar? Because that's the year Star Wars came out. Is there anybody out there who actually thinks Annie Hall is better than Star Wars? Annie Hall survived over the last three decades pretty well, but Star Wars fucking THRIVED. Star Wars is no longer a movie. It's a fucking establishment. Last I checked, there's no Annie Hall-themed ride at Disneyland. Annie Hall didn't get a trilogy of prequels, a vast library of fan fiction, video games, novels, comic books, and action figures. Nobody goes to Comic-Con dressed up like Annie Hall.

Do I need to say more? Star Wars is a big fucking part of cinematic history. Fail, AMPAS. Big time. Fail.

The Dark Knight snubbed for a Best Picture nomination.

Before Avatar came out and shattered Box Office records, The Dark Knight was the first film in over a decade to give Titanic a run for its money. While Box Office success is hardly a reason to give it Oscar consideration, The Dark Knight was also one of the best-reviewed movies of 2008. It was loved by everyone except a couple elitist Indie-freak bloggers, and hack film critic Armond White.

Christopher Nolan proved that a movie based on a comic book could be taken seriously by audiences, if done right. That is because Christopher Nolan is a fucking genius. How serious? Well, it's the first comic book-based movie to win an Oscar in an acting category. Because Heath Ledger's performance was so genuinely menacing... there was just no contest. But still, The Dark Knight couldn't nab that Best Picture nomination. That must mean five other movies were equally awesome, and The Dark Knight simply would not fit, right?

Let's see... Milk was an incredible biopic... Frost/Nixon was a compelling drama... Benjamin Button was the decade's very own Forrest Gump... Slumdog Millionaire actually won the Oscar, and that was awesome... But The Reader... um... The Reader... Shit, what the fuck is The Reader?

Seriously, has anyone even SEEN The Reader? Even at the Oscars, part of Hugh Jackman's opening musical act was about how he didn't see The Reader. But then again, it's not about how many people see the movie, but how good it is.

Well, at the time the nominees were announced, film critics were pretty much the only people who had actually seen the movie. And they didn't much care for it. That's right, the movie that took The Dark Knight's rightful nomination currently has a 61% tomatometer rating. It's about two bad (or even mediocre) reviews away from going from "Fresh" to "Rotten".

Now, I have seen The Reader. At the halfway point, I was really enjoying it. Kate Winslet and David Kross were astounding. Suddenly, David Kross was replaced by Ralph Fiennes, and the movie got very boring. They literally took an interesting, sexy romantic drama and replaced it with an unbelievably boring courtroom drama that by all rights should have been more interesting. The Reader started off strong, kept that strength going for about an hour, and abruptly turned into a boring, uninspired piece of shit. Even if you're not gonna give it to The Dark Knight, off the top of my head I can give you a few that deserved it more than The Reader. WALL-E for instance. The Wrestler. In Bruges. Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Changeling. Gran Torino.

They tried to offset this boo-boo this year by increasing the number of nominees to 10. The thing is, you can have five... ten... three... whatever. You don't waste a nominee spot on a mediocre film. You just don't do it.

Crash wins Best Picture.

I'm not a Crash hater. I loved Crash. I was happy to see it get nominated, because it totally deserved some recognition. If it were released, say, one year earlier... Few would complain if this won Best Picture. It was an insightful look at racial tensions in Los Angeles - that still exist, regardless of how tolerant we believe we are. It was important. That story needed to be told.

So what's the problem?

It came out the same year as... well... let's just say that AMPAS was, with a few exceptions here and there, the ONLY group that gave Crash Best Picture. Everyone else thought that another film told a much more socially relevant tale.

Five years from now, what movie from 2005 are you gonna remember off the top of your head? I assure you, it's not going to be Crash. Brokeback Mountain very accurately reflected today's social climate. It took stereotypes and smashed them with a sledgehammer. It was the first film that I know of that took homosexuals and presented them as... gasp... HUMAN.

Aside from the fact that this film was much better than Crash in many aspects, the Academy missed a big opportunity to send a message on par with Hattie McDaniel's win back in 1939. But surely, no one really cares, right? It's just the Academy.

WRONG. The Academy was in for a major shitstorm by selecting Crash as their Best Picture. Allegations of homophobia within the Academy came up, and it didn't help that some of the voters admitted to not having actually seen all the movies (particulary, Brokeback Mountain). I get it, there are a lot of movies that are released, and we can't watch all of them. But I'm not even in the Academy. Some days I barely have time to breathe, and even I make sure to have seen all the Best Picture nominees, at least. Especially when they're winning all the awards. Brokeback should have been at the top of their list.

As usual, people got over it. It's hard to stay mad at the Academy when the very next year, they finally gave Martin Scorsese the Oscar for Best Director. But the injustice of 2005 has not been erased. Academy, for shame.